Date: Thu, 30 Jan 1997 23:45:21 -0600 (CST) From: The Drake To: Jae Walker Subject: FLUFF: Apocolypse Part VI /\ / \ / \ ________________. ___ ._______ / | / \ | _ \ | (-----| |----`/ ^ \ | |_) | \ \ | | / /_\ \ | / .-----) | | | / _____ \ | |\ \-------. |________/ |__| /__/ \__\|__| `._________| ____ __ ____ ___ ._______ _________. \ \ / \ / / / \ | _ \ / | \ \/ \/ / / ^ \ | |_) || (-----` \ / / /_\ \ | / \ \ \ /\ / / _____ \ | |\ \---) | \__// \__/ /__/ \__\|__| `._________/ / Mailing List \ /________________________________\ _______ ___ ___ ___ _______ _______ | _ ) ) | Y | _ Y _ ) | I___| | | | | l___| l___| | __) | |__| | | __) | __) | | | l | l | | | | | | |______l_______| | | | `---' `---' `---' *APOCOLYPSE IN THE AHO'ELL SYSTEM* Part VI Written by SW-RPG Mailing List Members for SW-RPG Mailing List Members ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ < OGRE formerly RedWizard > Cruising through the Semi-Verse which the Sleigh travels through, Rexon witnessed all that occured in this currently unfolding fluff. He saw the KJA fiasco and wondered how much that was just a poor GM just lauding gifts on his already way to powerful character just for fun. Though not very interested he continued to watch as a multi-verse creature with a strange light saber appeared, again he sat and powerless as the emperess was thrown into another multi-verse. It was time for him to act. Wheeling the sleigh to intersect with the falling Emperress Rexon screamed in a strange Norwegian voice "Rudy, hurry up so we can catch that babe with the ." After much prodding and a quick switch of the whip the disgruntled reindeer team pulled an again maniacally laughing starfighter pilot and made a noticeable downward movement as the Emperess landed in the back seat. Again with the laughing Major Alloton thought to himself as to where he could get a good bite to eat and made the decision that it was time to make another great cross over. "Hey, Emperess. Are you up for a bite at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe?" "Shure, flyboy. If you're paying." She said with an unheard of classy slyness. As Rexon urged on the pull team, he made the most adolescant attempt at slipping his hand around her and was quickly singed for it, but he didn't mind because he was taking the best looking and most powerful Emperess ever heard of to the last place in the galaxy, leaving the rest of those yahoos to fight it out over a pitiful case of wookie ale. < "Mike (Leszek Karlik)" > As they arrived at The Restaurant, something totally unexpected happened... - Les'thalas! You're supposed to be doing your homeworks right now! What the hell are you doing in here, anyway? - Errr... Ummm... Well, I'm ALMOST done and I needed a break... - ALMOST?! Now, I know that by preparing to take over the world you have acumulated so many homeworks that you won't finish them till next Millenium. What are you doing right now... - My English homework. ","P" and other mathematical logics symbols. > - English? This is not English... - Yes, it is. "The village barber shaves every man in the village that does not shave himself. Does the barber shave himself?". It's my English homework... - Go to your room, NOW! - And while you're at it, take me first to the battleground. This whole multiversum thing has cleared my mind... Oh, sorry, Rexon, but I have a few things to do first... -Now, I've lost my Purple side of the Force mastery, but I gained the special ability of RESTAURANTWALK. The bad side is that we can go to another Restaurant only, but Trrkt should show up on the battlefield in a matter of seconds. He'll be late 'cause I let him perouse through my "Cool Items needed to take over the Universe" chest. I don't need them now, anyway. Get READY, SET, GO! ***********BACK TO THE BATTLE************** - Yes! I got him! - You can't get rid of ME that easily, coward! - Shit! You're a main villain, aren't you? - asked Trrkt in a resignated voice... - Why can't you go down after the first shot? I ALWAYS, repeat, ALWAYS, have to kill you in another way! This messes up my 3 kills per shot statistics... I have to kill 10 ST with one shot to get back up! - Oh, SHUT UP! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME! - Oh, no? Then look! - Heh. When I hit you and pin you to the tree, you'll have to say: You've heard the last of me! So take that! - SHIT! - Oh well - says Trrkt in a resignated voice - I guess I'll have to Force-fry you! Good thing I have this crystal from Les'thalas that gives me all Force skills at 20D, all Force Powers and absorbs all my DSPs... - Hmm... Then, I should have suspected something when I found out that warranty just expired 1 hour ago... ********************************* < The Drake > Drake had ran to the Barnes and Noble in attempt to find some way of contacting Zahn. He did much better. After about five minutes of browsing, he checked out of the store and headed back for the battle. When he arrived, all hell had broke loose! He arrived just in time to see the mighty Empress fall into some interdimensional hole. "Great googly moogly!", he screamed. "Where have you been?", asked several of the Fluffsters. "Ah, well, I um was. . . I have the book!", he replied. "The what?", they asked. "He's lost his mind.", came one reply. "The book! The FLUFF Sourcebook! It has a whole listing of FLUFF stuff!" "Let me see that!", Fett responed. "Here,", Drake said, "this is a picture of you. Yeah, in the templates section under Mandalorian-Wanna-Bes". Fett gave him an evil look. "Um, you all get back to work and I'll look up the part on interdimensional-FLUFF-travel, ok?" "Jihad!", piped the squishy thingy. "Whatever." < Paul Clyne > Sitting quitely over in the corner, unobersved for many a fluff, a small force sensitive Jawa/Ewok (hey, dad got lucky...) spoke... "Ummm... is that the R&E version of the FLUFF Sourcebook ?. Cause I seem to remeber a great deal of discussion over what was missing from sililar tomes. If it isn't then you guys fighting should be aware that your really going to have to pad out the battle for a L-O-N-G time" "Secondly, I don't believe that I just cast myself as a two of the most offensive things in the universe. I think i'll just go quitely back into the corner...." With that the odd little creature ran and hid in the corner. Safely out of the way from all possible "bad stuff", the Jaok went back to observing and quitely working on his marketing plan... < "Eric Lee Cline" > As the others sat marvelling at the Fluff Sourcebook, Eildath the Dark sat thinking. "How can we find the Empress?" He looked up. "Hey guys, why don't you turn to the location section of the book and see if there's any place we haven't been yet..." After a few minutes perusal, he got a reply. "Nope. There are a few blank pages though." ********************************* In the real world, Ae'rik L'hee Kh'lainn, Game Operations Director for Eildath the Dark, slapped his forehead. He had done the Hitchhiker's Crossover, and he had not yet posted anything to the Sourcebook compilers about it! ********************************* Back in the Fluffiverse, Eildath doubled over in pain as his G.O.D. chastised himself. Then another odd thought struck him. "Hey, guys, don't we have another problem besides the Empress's locale?" "What?!" was the annoyed reply. "Him," Eildath said, pointing at Criv'ix K'thuk, who was patiently awaiting the end of the round so he could roll initiative again. Eildath summoned up a troop of redshirts, and prepared for battle. < Jeff Wright > Dirk charged into the fray, the main blaster cannons on his new repulsor tank raging through the hordes of dark side creatures. Soon he was approaching the rest of the fluffsters. He then stopped the tank and jumped out blasting dark side beasties left and right with his new phaser rifles. He recognized a few of the legends from the fluff, people who had been writing and participating in the fluff universe. One in particular he felt the need to bow down. He approached a cloaked figure and bowed. "Oh great, Elidath , I have watched you for so long, you have amused my GM to great ends, and we have a plan." stated Dirk Dirk then reached around behind him and pulled out a red shirt with gold braids on the cufflinks. "What I need you to get this on the K'thuk, I will distract him by locking my repulsor tank on full throttle heading directly towards him while you telekinetically put the shirt on him, then if I have done my calculations right I should be able to fire my phasers and phaser damage should increase by at least 5000% and he should be instantly disintegrated, at least that's how it worked in the series." Dirk then scurried back to the repulsor tank, he did a quick jury rig and set it on full throttle and jumped out, he then quickly began handing out his extra phasers, keeping one Phaser Type I and the Phaser rifle for himself. Meanwhile, Elidath began to concentrate and the shirt was soon flying right behind the tank heading right towards K'thuk. As K'thuk dived out of the way the shirt began doing amazing maneuvers and before K'thuk knew what hit him he had the shirt on. "NOW, FIRE," yelled Dirk Simultaneously several orange beams shot out from the fluffsters and hit K'thuk square in the chest staggering him. But he continued to stand although pushed back slightly. Then with a wave of his hand the beams began to bend and go around him. "I AM NOT A EXTRA I AM A MAJOR CHARACTER," snarled K'thuk "Damn were in it now," exclaimed Dirk "Great googly moogly!", replied Drake **************BACK AT THE RESTAURANT************* < Christian Rick > Suddenly someone kicked in the restaurant's doors. The same someone walks in doing his best terminator imitation, looks at the closest person who happeneds to be a hutt and says: "[i need your boots, pants, jacket and sunglasses.]" "What???" Reples the poor hutt "[smeg!! nevermind]" says the terminator wanna-be and pulls out a deathstar scale BEERcannon "[IF YOU DO WHAT I SAY NO ONE WILL BE HURT] [GIVE ME THE SLEIGH PILOT AND THE EMPRESS, NOW]" The crowd started to mumble, someone shouted "What will happen if we dont?" "[you will be disintegrated by my BEERcannon, resistance is futile]" "Ok, ok, we get it! Just take them and let us eat!!!" screamed the crowd. ********************************* Trac Shaddar hurries to pick up his lightsabers and then extracts his comlink "Trac Shaddar to the Battle fleet, come in" "This is Lieutennant Leers Gonnd, acting Captain" "Thought you where disintegrated by the ???" "No, that was one of our TIE mega-super-Illusions, quite clever thing don't you think?" "Yeah, yeah, just lock on to my cordinates, I think we'll start moving soon again!" "Aye Sir!!" ********************************* By now there's a small problem, ok rather big actually sinse the red-nosed men have been duplicating them selves every two hours. The Dark Stalker II is half full of them, half full of red-nosed men thinking about the meaning of life... ********************************* Trac used the receptive telepathy force skill and listened to Minos making up the mental check list. "Good thing they don't know about the reserve I found in the armory, maybe I'll keep it. Would be a great weapon to conquer the world with..." ********************************* < Matt Francis > Fett watched the idiots trying to deal with Criv'ix K'thuk and tryed to think of a better plan. The Drake was seated on the floor, rubbing his head from where Fett had whacked him one after the Wannabe joke. Fett thought about all of his previous bounties-The Rebel Ithorian Lumberjacks, Dark Jedi's Against Wearing Black, Gamorrean Dietician's... He whacked Rogrog on the snout as he tryed to munch on Gilga-squish. None of the tryed and trusted techniques would work here, what could he do? Devoted Gilga-squish gazed down at him rumbling: 'JJJIIIIHHAAAAAD' Fett suddenly had an idea. 'What we need to do is quickly get the Emperess back and along with her FZOOK and legendary hatred of Chain Letters none will stand in her way.' He looked slyly over to where the others where standing poring over the scripts for Interdimensional Travel Force Powers. 'If I can focus all their combined powers' he mused. And then he knew he had it. 'Gentleman. I have found out where Emperess Jae is. She has Beer.' The silence was deafening. For a minute he thought they wouldn't fall for that trick again. But of course they would- it was a fluff. The rumbling started in the background, growing louder and louder and then blue force sparks flashed off fingers. And then suddenly they all disappeared with a special effect rather similiar to firing a rubber band and twanging a ruler at the same time. Only problem was Criv'ix K'thuk vanished with them ********************************* The Head Waiter at the Restaurant at the end of the Universe looked at his watch cringing as some woman (although not just any for she was lithe and powerful) yelled at someone else. The manager said they should expect a big rush of customers soon. Very soon. Verry Verrrrry soooooon.......... ********************************* < "Eric Lee Cline" > Eildath broke off his attack against K'thuk just in time for everyone to head off after the Wookiee Ale. As everyone else suddenly vanished, Eildath sneaked away, crouching in the shadows with his Defel-skin cloak. The Wookiee Ale was his! He crept quietly around Fett and his disgusting pile of slime, leaving his redshirts to die in their usual inexplicable manner. "Lord Eildath?" one said, turning a corner. "AAHHH!!!!" And there it was: the prize he sought. The lone case of Wookiee Ale in the Empress's store rooms. And standing above it, like a giant 'raptor waiting to strike, was a heavily modified Marauder. The cockpit was open, and Raptor One was climbing out. "Raptor One!" Eildath said, stepping out from the shadows. The Mechwarrior shrieked and tumbled back into the cockpit, dropping his bag of Tekka nuts to the floor. The Sith Lord TKed them up and got himself a handful. "So, Raptor," he said between bites, "looking to get smashed again?" "Why, no, your Sithship," he said, grinning. "Don't bullshit me, boy. You're after the Wookiee Ale again, aren't you?" "Yes! Yes I am! And why not? It's the best stuff in the multiverse to get REALLY drunk on!" "No it isn't," Eildath said, already formulating a plan. "Then, what is?" Eildath looked right at him, an evil glare in his eyes. "A Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster." "Ooohhh..." Raptor said. "Where can I get one?" "Follow me." Raptor did, and they traveled through time and space to the Restaurant, arriving with everybody else. Raptor hung back just a bit though, wondering how bitter they were about the last Wookiee Ale incident. He lazily listened to the singer at the piano, who looked oddly like Eric Idle. "Isn't it awfully nice to be a Jedi?" "Isn't awfully good to be a Sith?" "A Revwi-en, Dath-o-mir Witch," "Massassi, or a Krath?" "Use the Force to kick some tail," "Shove lightning up their ass?" "But don't piss off Lord Darth Vader," "Or he'll take you down real fast," "And you won't... be... back!" "Thank you!" < Tenandys Qural > The crowds at the entrance to the Restaurant parted slowly as a tall, commanding presence moved through. People turned and whispered to each other as they moved aside, remarking on the appearance of such a personage in their midst. Murmurs ran the length of the assembled group, the celebrated status of the person giving rise to commentary on his very appearance and demeanor. The tall black felinoid paused in the archway, glancing at the image of himself in the mirror there. His long white mane was swept back into an ornate braid that fell across one shoulder. A white tuxedo of the finest handcrafted silks, hand-tailored by the House of Manse on Corellia to his specifications and cut with half-sleeves to facilitate easy movement. A pair of the latest fashion of Righteous (tm) Shades. His left forearm was replaced with an ornately sculpted baroque styled cyberarm. And on his right was perched a winsome young lady with auburn hair and the smile that the galaxy knew as Lilla Coulter, Galaxy NewsNet's favorite journalist. Tenandys Qural grinned a carnivore's grin at the sight of himself. If nothing else, the two of them were striking. He slipped through the crowd, Lilla letting go of his arm as she was greeted by a covey of adoring fans seeking her autograph and a couple of words. The maitre d'hotel looked up from his podium, beaming as he caught sight of the galaxy famed veteran of such things as the Spam Wars and the Lucas Inquisition, not to mention a number of well paying and widely seen commercials. "Lord Khanjheira... How pleasant it is to see you this evening... I have your reservations right here..." He stepped out to shake Ten's hand, fairly beaming at him. "Your table is waiting..." Tenandys nodded, feeling a slight uneasiness as he peered past the small man. A vague feeling of wrong had surfaced as he stood in the atrium of the restaurant, and when he glanced at the patrons in the bar, he slowly began to realize why... Eildath and Raptor One were perched on stools in the bar, drinking some concoction that looked well suited to removing paint from small mecha. The image of a lemon wrapped around a gold brick came to mind, though he didn't know why. And Ten knew that, where those two were, the minions of true evil were not far off. He chewed at his lip. If it weren't for the fact that he was on a date, he'd go and proceed to drink Eildath under the table. But he remembered the last date that he and Lilla had been on, and how that had erupted into such a strange warzone. He turned to the maitre d'hotel. "Say... Is there any way I could get my reservations moved a little later?" < Chris Koch > Minos gazed about the restaurant in a rather dazed and confused manner, as those who have just been pulled through the fabric of the space-time continuum with out being asked politely first tend to do. "Restaurant at the End of the Universe eh?" he said, "Seems like the perfect place to set up a base of operations. DAMIAN! Secure the area! LIMAAN! Secure the parking garage! QEL! Secure the alcohol!" The 3 other members of the CRIMSON JIHAD, though slightly annoyed at being ordered about, did as Minos asked. "As a duly authorized representative of the New Republic, I hereby commandeer this area for the use of the CRIMSON JIHAD!" "Jihad?" queried Gilga-Squish. "Yeah," replied Minos, "that's us." "JIHAD!" bellowed Gilga-Squish, sliding over to Minos. "Um, yeah." said Minos. "Here, have some beer." he added, reaching into his pocket dimension, and yanking out a case of Dark Side Dark, which he dropped on Gilga. Gilga-Squish squealed with delight as he consumed the alcoholic beverages. ********************************* C.M. Koch sat at his computer in the real world, shaking his head at the sheer ludicrousness which had developed. "Sweet mother McCree!" he shrieked, "Now they're at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? As if the plot wasn't convoluted enough! Time to fix things again...." and with that, he attempted to do so. ********************************* As the fluffsters secured the area, Criv'ix K'thuk popped up from behind the bar. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE SITH IS GOING ON HERE?" he bellowed. "I'M TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE MULTIVERSE, AND THE LOT OF YOU ARE FOOLING AROUND IN A RESTAURANT! DOUGLAS ADAMS IS A GREAT AUTHOR AND ALL, BUT COME ON, REALLY!" "Well," replied Minos, shamefully, "we just thought--" "THAT'S THE PROBLEM, YOU DIDN'T THINK! NOW I'M GOING BACK TO THE AHO'ELL SYSTEM, TO TAKE OVER ALL REALITY. AND, UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO BE STUCK HERE. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" and with that, he vanished. "Smeg!" shouted Minos. "OK, c'mon all of you, hand over all your neat might-change-the-course-of-the-entire-plot type stuff, cause we're gonna need it!" The fluffsters didn't budge. "OK FINE!" he shouted. "WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT FROM YOU!" "We?" asked Damian. "Me," replied Minos, "and him." With that, a hole opened up in the fabric of reality, and a giant hand popped through it, which appeared to be connected to a giant arm on the other side of the hole. "Meet my creator," said Minos, "or at least his hand. See, he's writing this therefore anything he writes happens. He created Criv'ix K'thuk to start this fluff. He could just write him out, but he doesn't feel like it. So when he types something like this:" The fluffsters stepped up to Minos and handed over all their neat might-change-the-course-of-the-entire-plot type stuff. "You do, yeah, just what you're doing now, stepping up to me and handing over all your neat might-change-the-course-of-the-entire-plot type stuff. Thanks C.M.!" The giant hand gave Minos a thumbs up, and slid back through the hole. The hole promptly closed. "There," said Minos, that wasn't so hard now was it? Let's see what we have here...the Sith Artifact containing the souls of the fluff haters, oh, that's good...a spare Fzook, great!...a plot device, hmm, those always come in handy, now all we need are the remains of the vault K'thuk was imprisoned in--" Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, the remains of the vault K'thuk had been imprisoned in appeared. "Nice to know you're still at work boss, thanks. Now let's see exactly what this plot device is..." with that Minos cracked open the black egg shaped shell which held the plot device. With a crackle of energy, its contents fell to the ground. Raptor One tried to pick them up, but, as we all know, he's incapable of grasping a simple plot device, and there fore slipped, and fell flat on his face. Minos then picked up the plot device, and examined it. "Some kind of parchment...wish I could read Ancient Gree...." All of a sudden, Minos could read Ancient Gree. "Cool. Let's see here it says these are the plans for the--" Minos stared at them, shocked. "The plans for the Super Duper Ultra Mega Thunder Giga Death Canon of Doom!" A silence fell over the Restaurant. "Lets see here, ingredients: 1 , 1 Sith Artifact Containing the Souls of Several Fluff Haters, The Crumbled Remains of an Ancient Vault Which Once Held an All-Powerful Dark Side Master, 2 tsp Oregano ('cause a little goes a long way). Well, that's convenient. Hey Limaan, run into the kitchen and ask the chef for some Oregano!" Limaan ran into the kitchen, and returned with 2 teaspoons of Oregano and a talking cow. "Hi." said the cow. "Um..hi." replied Minos. "Hey Limaan, what's with the cow?" he added. "I dunno, she just seemed like a nice person, and we can always use another gunner for the Forsaken II." "Umm...OK. Hand over the oregano." Limaan handed over the oregano. Minos put all the other ingredients in a pile, and then dumped the oregano on them. "Let's see," he said, "the cooking instructions are: heat at 350 under the reality-warping powers of KJA for 1 hour. Well guys, it looks like this is gonna take a little while. Why don't the rest of you find something to do while I bake?" "Jihad?" asked Gilga-squish. "Yeah, soon." replied Minos. And, with that, he summoned up the power he had taken from KJA, and went to work, bombarding the ingredients with continuity mangling energies. ********************************* < "Eric Lee Cline" > Raptor picked himself up from the floor and dragged himself back to the table with Eildath. "Let Minos play," he thought. He ordered another three Gargle Blasters and began to soliloquize about the simple splendor of the humble bantha. Eildath, being a Force User, drug the semi-conscious warrior to a detox chamber in the lobby. Now alone, he strode back into the main forum. He looked around until he saw Gilga-squish and set down beside it. "Jihad?" the confused blob asked. "Huh? Oh, they're in the kitchen with Dinah." He was rewarded with a blank stare, if a blob can stare at all. "One of the Mega-cows." "Beef?" it said, sounding vaguely like "beer." "Don't mind if I do," Eildath said, and went over to the bar. Suddenly he ran for cover. "Oh, shit, it's Mr. Creosote!" Yes, it was the most foul being in the galaxy, Creosote Desilijic Tiure, cousin to Jabba and the fattest thing in the multiverse. < Klingon Dave > Meanwhile, outside. . . Aiming a high kick at one of his attackers' heads, Ashton Revell, spun and knocked the Gammorrean to the ground as he slashed his lightsaber blade through another evil minion blocking his way to the door of the restaurant. "OUT OF MY WAY!" he shouted, punching a Wookie and kicking open the door to the galaxy's finest establishment. Everyone looked up and the bustling of the dinner crowd suddenly stopped as the Jedi/Brash Pilot stood in the door, lightsaber in hand, face covered in blood. He looked around slowly at the assembled fluffsters. "People," he said quietly, "we've got a problem." ********************************* Elsewhere With a flash of Dark Side energy, Criv'ix K'thuk appeared in the middle of a huge room, filled with advanced computers and amazing technology. He raised his arms as Force Lightning crackled from his fingertips and he laughed insanely. "At last," he cackled. "At last I have the power to rule the galaxy!" A dark-haired, bearded man looked up from one of the many terminals in the FX building. "Welcome to Skywalker Ranch," he said. "Can I help you?" The Dark Jedi smiled evilly. "I think you can. . .Mr. Lucas." ********************************* < The Drake > Drake suddenly awakened from under a table. He had heard the rough entry of Ashton Revell and jerked his head up. Drake climbed out from under the table rubbing his head. He had developed a slight migrane since Fett smacked him and then he did the fool thing of ordering a few Gargle Blasters! Ohhhh, the Dark Side was takin its toll on him now! He felt like Palpatine passing a gall stone! "Whats going on?", he asked to anyone who was listening. "Jihad!", was his only reply. "What?", Drake asked. "This Jedi/Brash Pilot here says that Criv'ix K'thuk is at Lucas's ranch on yet another dimension!", someone answered. "Oh, great googly moogly! Not *another* dimension! All this inter-planar travel is making me sick. I think I gonna. . . " Drake leaped back up to his feet. His eyes wide and cheery. He was fully recovered! "Allright! LETS GO!!", he yelled as he trotted out the door. The other Fluffsters didn't move but they could hear Drake yelling all the way out into the parking lot. < Chris Koch > "I suppose one of us should go after him?" asked Limaan Lyym. "I suppose." replied Damian. "We'll draw for it," said Limaan, pulling out his customized Sabaac deck, "low card goes after him." Limaan shuffled the deck, then he, Damian, and Qel each drew a card. "The Master." said Damian. "Looks like it ain't gonna be me." "The Fool." said Limaan. "Lowest card in a normal Sabaac deck...what'd you draw Qel?" Qel looked at his card. He then looked at his companions. He then looked at his card again. "See you guys in a few." he said, and flipped his card to Limaan. He then barreled down the hall after the Drake, his gears whirring all the way. "What'd he draw?" asked Damian. Limaan turned the card around, so that Damian could see the front. It showed a figure clad in white armor, getting the crap beat out of it by an Ewok. "The Stormtrooper." replied Limaan with a smirk,"Lowest card in MY deck." Limaan then turned to the talking cow. "Hey," he asked, holding up his Sabaac deck, "wanna play a hand or two?" "Sure." she replied, and then bellowed, "ANYBODY WANNA PLAY A HAND OR TWO OF SABAAC?" Several of the fluffsters gave some kind of signal of affirmation. "Ok," said Limaan between swigs of his Gargle Blaster, "you can play, but NO FORCE POWERS ALLOWED!" Many of the prospective players moaned. "Sorry," he said, as he cleared a table, "those're the rules." He then sat down at the head of the table, and began shuffling the Sabaac cards, using his patented left-pinky-only style. "Now, he said, flashing a predatory grin," let's play. ********************************* < "James A." > "Hi." said the cow. "Mmmmm Lunch?" said Rogrog. "Why certainly" answered the cow. "Could I interest you in something off the shoulder perhaps? Something in a white-wine sauce?" A bright smile lit up Rogrog's face. In all his travel, he'd never met a meal that was happy to be eated, a meal that actually volunteered it's best parts. He was in heaven. Settling down for a long chat (well as long as this Gamorrean could make out), he could only dimly recall a giant hand appearing, and someone with great power requesting all the cool things from the vaults, but as far as Rogrog was concerned, the only thing that would drag him away now was either by force, or with the opportunity of gratuitios violence. ********************************* < Matt Francis > Fett milled around with the others while he waited for Minos Hurloon's G.O.D. to sort everything out. He decided to follow Drake to see what he was up to, he'd just caught up with him when the two IRS guys from Day Of The Tentacle barreled through the door. 'Bounty hunter Cuthbert Fett? We are with the IPS- Internal Plot Service. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you.' They whistled and called up a few 'Thug' TM NPC's who barreled through the door towards Drake and Fett. The fight started. Cuthbert leapt to the attack while the disgustingly cheerful Drake cracked two skulls together. CRASH! Cuthbert landed on the table and straight onto a patch of Hutt Butter- 'I can't believ its not Fat' 'Damn. That'll leave a stain.' 'Cuthbert!' The diners at the table stared at him in amazement. 'Mum! Dad! What are you doing here?' 'It's our anniversary of course' Replied Father Fett. Fett slapped his forehead. 'I'm so sorry I've beeen rather busy lately-A Fluff you know' There was a crash as Drake landed headfirst on the table. 'I've made new friends though-this is Drake, the mound of pus is Gilga-squish...' Drake stood up hurridly and sketched an awkward bow-and jumped straight into the fight. 'Lovely boy' beamed Mother Fett. 'What's this all over anyway?' 'Oh a Dark Side God is trying to destroy us and take over the galaxy, wanna help' He cringed as Drake cut a'Thug'TM in half. 'Well it's our anniversary so....' There's Wookie Ale involved.' Ma and Pa Fett looked at each other for a moment. And then Mother Fett jumped over the table brandishing a two-handed Ewok Battle-Axe, cleaving a tug in half blood spurting and running.... CAmera fuzzes over and suddenly focuses on the picture of Ambassador Furgan from the Jedi Academy books-he's short squat and ugly. 'Please do not adjust your sets. I look like this. A few minutes had past since the Thug's had been ejected and everyone was watching the card players. Then there was a sudden crack of thunder and 'Almoghty-dark-god-with-an-unpronounceable-name' appeared clutching a bearded middle aged figure. The figure drew all their eyes and they gasped as one: 'The creator!' And then the Emperess arrived with Major Alloton and her heels, eyes wide with fury she pointed at Criv'ix K'thuk, 'Kill him' K'thuk laughed and prodded Lucas, a legion of Stormtroopers (Digitally enhanced-special edition-the prequals/sequals and a great story line) appeared. Eildaths Redshirts drew them in the line and began to suffer horrendous casualties. Eildath beamed. < Chris Koch > "It's finished!" bellowed Minos, holding aloft the shiny silver Super Duper Ultra Mega Thunder Giga Death Canon of Doom. < Matt Francis > Then the lights went out and pandemonium ensued. Above it all they could hear one distinct noise: SQUISHSQUISHSQUISHSQUISHSQUISHSQUISHSQUISH, 'BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!' Splut. The lights came back on and Fett stared at Gilga-squish and the dark stain beneath him. 'Jihad?' Fett turned to Minos. 'Tell me he didn't?' < Chris Koch > "I would," replied Minos, "but I'd be lying." "He squished K'thuk?" asked Fett. "It appears so..." stated Damian "No..." rasped Eildath, "he's still here somewhere. That much Dark Side energy doesn't just go away." The dark stain on the ground began to bubble. Then it swirled. Finally it spouted upwards, and took on the dark form of Criv'ix K'thuk. "See," remarked Eildath, "toldja!" "INFERNAL BLOB!" screamed K'thuk, turning to face Gilga-squish, "THAT...HURT! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" And with that, Criv'ix K'thuk began to bombard Gilga-squish with Dark Side energies, draining the power from him. "Gilga!" screamed Fett. "Don't worry,"said Minos Hurloon, "I've got everything under control." "YO K'THUK!" bellowed Minos Hurloon, Spirit Avenger. "YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TA YOU YOU RECYCLED PIECE OF BANTHA FODDER!" "WHAT!" screamed K'thuk turning away from Gilga-squish, who had already shrunk back down to the size of a Wookie. "WHO DARES SPEAK TO ME IN SUCH A MANNER!!" "That would be me." said Minos, in a rather matter-of-fact tone. "I just wanted to say, that it's been real nice fighting against you, and I've really enjoyed watching your psychotic attempts to take over the multiverse. It's been a real pleasure, and I hate for it to end, but you have to go now." "WHAT?!?!" screamed K'thuk, enraged. "See ya!" said Minos. And then, with a smirk, he hefted the Super Duper Ultra Mega Thunder Giga Death Canon of Doom onto his shoulder, aimed, and fired. The beam of white hot energy hit K'thuk square in the chest, crackling throughout the restaurant. K'thuk's agonized screams were heard throughout the multiverse, as more and more energy was poured into him, along with the power of the fluff haters. The bombardment continued for what seemed like forever, and then suddenly stopped. Where the mighty Criv'ix K'thuk had once stood, now stood a rather smallish man with a receding hairline, wearing a blue jumpsuit, and holding a mop and bucket. "What have you done!?!?!" shreiked the man in his rather small and squeaky voice, "You will pay for this! I will have my vengeance! I am Criv'ix K'thuk, all-mighty grand master of the Dark Side, lord of Aho'ell and--" Minos cut him off. "No you're not," he said, "you're an impotent putz. And you're going to spend the rest of your natural life mopping floors for Mr. Lucas. Isn't that right sir?" "Well," replied George, "we do need a new janitor..." "Good!" popped Minos, "Then it's settled! Empress Jae, if you would be so kind?..." "Of course." replied the Empress, opening a portal to Lucas' dimension. "Pleasure to meet you sir." she said, shaking The Maker's hand before he passed through the portal. "Noooooo!" shrieked Criv'ix K'thuk, "I don't wanna be a janitor, I don't wanna be a janitor, I don't wanna be a--" "Shut up." ordered Qel, as he picked K'thuk up, and booted him through the portal. A victory cheer erupted from the assembled fluffters. "C'mon guys," said the Empress, "party at my place. FREE FOOD AND DRINK FOR ALL!" An even louder cheer erupted from the fluffsters again, as they followed the Empress through the portal she generated to her palace. They would go on to create a party of epic proportions. ********************************* < Christian Rick > After drinking as much BEER he could Trac started walking towards the door and slipped out without anyone seeing him, with all the lightsabers the had "borrowed" from the Empress' Armory. He slowly walked towards the sundown and when he had reached the horizont he heard someone scream "WHERE'S MY LIGHTSABERS???" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And so it was that the Fluffsters had a party that was wonderful, earth shattering, sun crushing, and just plain good. The Wookie Ale was shared by all and then it all happened again. . . . But that is another FLUFF! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Credits CM Koch as Minos Hurloon and the crew of the Forsaken II and Criv'ix K'thuk Eric Lee Cline as Eildath the Dark and Raptor One Paul Clyne as the Jawa/Ewok Joe Coleman as Deeharin Lighthand Dave as Ashton Revell Chris Doerscher as the Black Knights The Drake as Drake Matt Francis as Cuthbert Fett Mark Hudson as Colonel Snap Mike Karnik as Les'thalas and Trrkt James A Martin as Rogrog the Gammorean Z.Mittge as Gilga-squish RJ Owen as Llandar Starlighter RedWizzard/OGRE as Major Rexon Alloton Christian Rick as Trac Shaddar Tatu Salonen as Captain XA Tall and crew Steve as Jedi Master Iles BJ Terry as the Force Maggots MSTR Trench as Kaal Ironfist Jeff Wright as Dirk Starlighter Also starring: Empress Jae as herself Tenendys Qural as himself _______________________________________________________________________________ *After the credits, a small scene appears.* < Matt Francis > Cuthbert Fett readied the Spamstorm 1 doing that melancholy brooding bit they always do in films when saying their goodbyes. A noise from the other side of the Hangar Bay made him turn. The Drake lurched happily across the bay floor, filled with the aftermath of the previous days merrymaking. 'Say Fett,' He called 'Vermithrax has taken off without me again, Can I have a lift?' Fett thought about it. Drake wasn't such a bad sort really-and he got used to his company.. 'Sure come aboard-I'm about to take off anyway.' Drake clomped up the gangway and made his way to the cockpit. He dumped himself unceremoniously into a seat. SQUISH He looked at Fett 'Oh no..' Fett grinned under his helmet. 'Looks like your seats taken' ********************************* _________________________________ \ ___________________________ / \ \ / / ______ __ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ | T| T | / _] / _]| \ | \ | || l | / [_ / [_ | _ Y| \ l_j l_j| _ |Y _] Y _]| | || D Y | | | | || [_ | [_ | | || | | | | | || T | T| | || | l__j l__j__jl_____j |_____jl__j__jl_____j \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ V / \ / V