Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 18:27:48 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: An apology to Jae Walker

Dearest Jae,

I recently seem to have started a trend regarding the food product known 
as Spam on your List. This has nothing at all to do with Star Wars, and I 
apologize for having it on the List. I also...AAARRRGH!!!!

<speaker is disrupted when a huge ball of the Living Spam emerges behind him 
and proceeds to eat all of him save his shoes>

Sorry, couldn't resist. Thanks, Jae. B)

The Force shines always...

Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 15:21:46 -0800
From: Bill Knight - De Oppresso Liber <ANWTK@acad2.alaska.edu>
Subject: Re: An apology to Jae Walker

The heavy footsteps echoed around the vast audience chamber.  The cloaked
figure strode purposely towards the massive throne at one end of the chamber.
A lithe figure sat upon, clad in black and crimson robes.  
.
	"My Empress, the Jedi Knight Adol larynth has been sighted again."
Said the warrior, now kneeling on bended knee before her, his eyes cast
upon the dais before him.
.
	Her eye's flashed momentarily.  "What!  And what atrocities
did he committ this time?"  Her tone imperious and hard.
.
The dark warrior cringed under Empress Jae's words.  His message was
not an easy one.  Breathing in deeply, the warrior spoke.  "Empress..."
he paused, bracing himself.  "The Jedi spoke of SPAM."
.
The screech rebounded off the walls of the audience chamber.  "SPPAAMMM!"
she howled.  "Kill him.  Dispatch the Dark One's to get him."
.
The warrior cowered back, not only from Empress Jae's command but from
the thought of the Dark One's; the Dark Droid F8, the coldhearted Arna,
the ruthless and evil Jak, the assassian Arty, and Black Souled Risky.
They would get this upstart Spam Jedi named Adol Larynth.
.
Hastily, the dark warrior backed away from Empress Jae.  With urgency
born of fear, he scurried to do her bidding.
.
-Chronicled from the Adventures of Bill, Chirz, Col. Mason, and Cpt. Sverjac
Death to SPAM!  Long Live The Empress! 
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 19:58:27 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tenandys Qural <beattier@river.it.gvsu.edu>
Subject: Re: An apology to Jae Walker

On Tue, 13 Jun 1995, Bill Knight - De Oppresso Liber wrote:

> They would get this upstart Spam Jedi named Adol Larynth.
>
> Hastily, the dark warrior backed away from Empress Jae.  With urgency
> born of fear, he scurried to do her bidding.
> 
It was cold in the corridors of the base, and Qural's breath collected 
near the ceiling in a thick cloud.  He stood, his back against the wall, 
waiting for the door opposite to open.  Every muscle in his body was 
tensed, as he dreaded the outcome of the decryption process.

Two hours earlier, a HoloNet transmission had been intercepted, and the 
current rumour was that it had originated from Drycas, the homeworld of 
the Empress.  Something dire was afoot, he was certain of it.  And he was 
sure to be drawn into the center of it.

There was quiet hiss as the door slid open, and Tenandys Qural had to 
steel himself to keep from flinching.  The emotionless eyes of a protocol 
droid stared at him.  He couldn't recall the name of the droid.

"Sir," it started, in flawless Basic, "They have decrypted..."

Tenandys surged past, knocking the droid aside.  His anxiety had eaten 
his patience entirely away.

The slicer was leaning back in his chair, a narcstic clenched in his 
grimy fingers.  He looked up at the tall Kyanin Operative with a 
strangely pensive expression.

"What is it, C'noba?  What did the message say?"

"Oh, pretty much the usual - Tremayne abuse, Ewok toture..."

"What else?"

The Jawa hesitated.  "Well, I..."

"What?"

C'noba shook his head.  "They've sent Bill and hte Darks after Adol.  
There was just too much Spam."

Tenandys bowed his head, knowing that all was lost.  He'd known that 
Adol's obsession with Spam, and its spice derivative, GlitterSpam, would 
be the end of the poor Jedi.

He turned and strode away, knowing that he would have to rescue Adol from 
this plot, as this most recent shipment of Spam was vital to the 
Rebellion.  He would have to stop Bill and the Darks himself.

- From the files of Tenandys Qural, Jedi Without a Cause.


---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 08:21:26 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: Spam Wars III

"This is the best place to eat in town, Adol?" Maranda asked as she and 
Adol Larynth came to a cantina on the far side of the capital city. The 
pair had come to the planet of Drycas about three days ago, to get away 
from the harsh adventuring life and rest some. It had been a full week 
since Adol and his friends battled Antasius, his former master, and the 
memories were still running around his head.

As they approached the door of the cantina, a guard at the door stopped 
them. "You'll have to leave that here," he said, and pointed to a long 
black handgrip hanging from Adol's belt...his lightsaber.

"This?" Adol unhooked the saber from his belt and handed it to the guard. 
"Okay, I guess..." The expression on his face drifted as Maranda urged 
him into the interior of the cantina.

Maranda sat herself and Adol down in the back of the crowded, smelly bar. 
She sensed something from him. 

"Adol, what's wrong?" Her inquiry did little to change Adol's facial 
expression.

"It's nothing," Adol finally replied, without turning to face her. "I 
have never had my lightsaber confiscated as a weapon before."

"Well," she replied, "with the fall of the Empire, Jedi and knowledge of 
the Jedi have increased dramatically. People are starting to know what 
the Jedi are and what they do. Maybe he knew what a lightsaber was. Who 
cares? Let's order something."

"No, no," Larynth insisted. "There is something very wrong here." 

"I don't sense anything."

"I don't think you have to worry about it, Maranda."

Suddenly, a waiter-type appeared with a covered platter of something and 
set it down in the center of Adol's and Maranda's table.

"Wait," Maranda said. "We didn't order anything."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

Maranda reached forward to uncover the platter, fully prepared to take 
advantage of this stroke of good luck. As she slid the cover off, she 
realized her mistake. On the platter was a pinkish meaty rectangle of 
food, more commonly called Spam.

Adol looked at the plate of Spam. "By the Force...Maranda! Get down!" he 
yelled, and managed to pull Maranda onto the floor just as a blaster bolt 
sailed overhead and impacted the cantina wall.

Screaming followed, as people scrambled out of the cantina through every 
exit possible. Adol looked up to see the door guard pointing a blaster 
pistol at him, grinning evilly. 

Adol reached out with the Force. In response, his lightsaber unhooked 
from the guard's belt and ignited in mid-air as it flew toward his hand. 
He caught it in time to parry the guard's second shot, and deflect it 
back into a nearby chair. 

"I have you now, Jedi," the guard said. He fired twice more at Adol's 
head. The Jedi blocked both, and sent the last of the two shots back at 
the guard's blaster. The resulting explosion peppered the guard's face, 
arm, and chest with shrapnel. Adol watched as the guard staggered 
backward and fell to the floor.

Adol got up and walked over to the guard. The damage was worse than he 
had hoped.

"Who sent you?" the Jedi asked.

The guard was near death. "You will pay for your atrocities, Jedi," he 
replied. "Long...live...the...Empress..."

Adol stared at the now-dead form. Maranda got up and came close behind 
him, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Who is he?" she asked.

"I..posted something onto a HoloNet mailing list a while ago."

"The mailing list?" Maranda thought for a few seconds. "Doesn't Empress 
Jae run that thing?"

"Yeah," Adol noted. "You see, my post was about Spam and..."

"Spam!" Maranda cut him off. "Oh, God, you know the Empress hates Spam!"

"Yeah, I do. I apologized, but, I guess it didn't do much. We've got to 
get off this world."

Adol and Maranda exited out the back of the cantina and left toward the 
spacedock. Once there, they found Landon Darkwood and all his friends and 
equipment, including speeders, outside.

"What happened?" Adol rushed to help Landon move some large crates into 
the back of a local cargo carrier.

Landon looked up at him. "The ship has been impounded," he said.

Adol looked back at Maranda, who was staring at the towing crew with an 
expression of despair. Now they were in trouble. And all because of a 
little Spam.


Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 10:47:44 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: Spam Wars IV

The holovid screen crackled with static, then revealed the face of 
D'chath, a Rebel operative.

"What's the news?" D'chath asked, rubbing his eyes. "It's four in the 
morning, Adol."

Jedi Knight Adol Larynth was all too aware of the time. Since his 
encounter at the restaurant eight hours previous, six seperate attempts 
had been made on his life. All failed, but the last was close to success.

"I know, D'chath," he said wearily. "Listen, the ship has been impounded. 
Luckily, Landon was able to conceal the cargo, but we can't get 
off-world. I can't make it to the rendezvous."

D'chath suddenly became fully awake. "But that shipment is of vital 
importance! We have bases in the Outer Rim worlds that have no supplies! 
If we don't get that Spam to them in time, whole Rebel bases will become 
inoperable due to starvation. Have you tried to get the ship out of the 
impound yard?"

"Twice. Failed both times. There is too much security."

"Alright. Look, I'll try to get some people there with a transport. 
You'll have to hold out until then, okay?"

"Fine. Where will you meet us?"

"In the clearing six miles out of the west exit of town. There's a 
facility there. Go there tomorrow at 1700 hours. Got it?"

"Will do. Larynth out." Adol switched off the HoloNet transmitter. He had 
set up the frequency of the transmission to be picked up by a friend of 
his that he had met before while in the Minos Cluster by the name of 
Tenandys Qural. He could only hope that Tenandys' slicer intercepted the 
message as well.


What he did not know was that Empress Jae's chief slicer was just as 
adept. 

"We have the coordinates to the Rebel facility, Empress," noted the 
Imperial slicer. Do you want a strike force sent?

The lithe black-robed figure standing behind the slicer's seat in the 
main throne room of the Empress' facility pondered this for a moment.

"No," she replied finally. "I shall wait until our Jedi's assistance 
arrives. Then we'll send a team of AT-ATs and elite stormtroopers."

"But, Empress, if we destroy the base before the Rebels arrive, it will 
be..."

The voice of the Empress drowned the rest of his statement. "ARE YOU 
QUESTIONING MY ORDERS?"

A raw fear struck the slicer, and he was unable to speak for a few 
moments. He finally stammered, "Y..Yes, Mistress Jae," and quickly 
hurried out the door of the throne room.

The Empress strided back to her throne and activated her private comlink 
channel.

"Report on your progress, Jak," she said.

A voice came through the comlink speaker. "Progress slow, Empress," it 
said. "The Jedi has thwarted six attempts on his life and has 
disappeared."

"What?!" The Empress was none too pleased. "I shall have you roasted on a 
spit for your incompetence! I shall not tolerate such failure! You, mark 
my words, do not appear to me again without the head of Adol Larynth!"

"Yes..yes, Your Excellency," the voice meekily replied. "All hail the 
Empress!" The speaker crackled and shut off.

"Fool," the Empress said aloud. She tapped the comlink again. "General! 
Come to me at once!"

A short while later, the black-robed warrior walked through the door of 
the throne room, walked to Jae, and kneeled. 

"All hail Empress Jae," he said. "What is thy bidding, my Mistress?"

"The Dark Ones have failed me, General," the Empress replied. "I must 
once again employ the services of the Really Dark One!"

The general cringed. "But Empress, the Really Dark One almost escpaed 
your control last time you used him! He is far too powerful for these 
petty things, and...."

"GET ME THE REALLY DARK ONE NOW!!!!!" the decree echoed and was magnified 
by the walls of the room. 

"Yes, Mistress!" The general scurried away. The Really Dark One's face 
had never been seen by men, and his (or her) past was shrouded in 
mystery. It is said that he who looks upon the Really Dark One's face 
would instantly be burned to a cinder. He was just the person needed to 
send this upstart Jedi, who has the audacity to freely talk of Spam, into 
the depths of oblivion for all time. The Empress laughed, and her laugh 
trailed out of the throne room, throughout her complex under 
the city, and even terrified a small child sitting by a storm drain on 
the sidewalk of a city street. Things were dark for Adol and his companions, of 
that there was no doubt.    


And all because of a little Spam (Spam never hurt nobody).

Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 14:04:33 -0400
From: argtemp@pobox.upenn.edu
Subject: SpamWars IV (interlude)

<"Will do. Larynth out." Adol switched off the HoloNet transmitter. He had
<set up the frequency of the transmission to be picked up by a friend of
<his that he had met before while in the Minos Cluster by the name of
<Tenandys Qural. He could only hope that Tenandys' slicer intercepted the
<message as well.

After finishing the transmission, Adol began going over the mission in his
mind, and slowly drifted off . . .

<A bright light fills the room, and a beautiful young woman, dressed in odd
robes, with a hawk on her shoulder, steps out of the light>

Adol! Hear Me! I have come to ask help of the rebellion, and in return, to
give you old knowledge of the use of Spam! Long ago, a Shaman of our
peoples was attack by out-worlders, having only a staff and his rations of
spam while on a dreamquest.  The outlanders, thinking him helpless,
prepared to shoot him with their guns, when suddenly he used the force to
hurl spam into the gun barrels, clogging them shut and buying him enough
time to call the powers to protect himself. Such was our powers in those
days.

Now, our world is cut off from trade, and our people cry out for spam.  I
am the last shaman of our world, and cannot free my people without help. To
find me, watch for the sign of the hawk.  Please, give my message to those
who fight for freedom, and remember  . . .

NEVER underestimate the power of SPAM!

******
As Adol wakes, he remembers a strange dream, and sees a wooden coin marked
with a hawk . . .
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 16:13:58 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tenandys Qural <beattier@river.it.gvsu.edu>
Subject: Spam Wars V

The continuing saga of a small band of freedom fighters, struggling to 
bring spiced pork to a SPAM-less Galaxy...

Tenandys stepped out of the shadows of the alley, a light mist settling 
on the feztures of his feline countenance.  He glanced at the people 
milling about, looking for any sign of danger.  Absently, he picked at 
the hem of his cloak, the servoes in his cybernetic forearm humming.  
With his right hand, he rubbed at the moisture on his cheek.  Something 
was waiting, there in the crowds.

It seemed as though it had been a lifetime since he'd intercepted the 
Empress's transmission, and he'd ssen such horrors since then.  He roamed 
through the dens of GlitterSpam addicts, their eyes glazed in a fever of 
pork highs.  He'd dealt with Spam smugglers, the greasy lowlifes that 
eekd out an existence giving customers illicit tastes of canned meat.  
He'd gone toe to toe with the Empress's underlings, the Really Deep Shade 
of Grey Ones, who'd carried out her orders with fanatic glee and 
sparkling incompetence.

Now he was here, following the instructions of Adol Larynth, fugitive 
from justice and defender of Spam.

In theory, he would be able to meet up with Adol, to discuss the future 
of the Rebellion and what role they and the Spam were to play in it.  But 
he'd sensed nothing from the Jedi since planetfall.  He was beginning to 
suspect that he'd been set up.

And he was also beginning to suspect that he was getting the short end of 
the plot, for as he looked up, he saw the unmistakable form of the Fairly 
Dark One, Protege of the Really Dark One.

"Can't I ever get something truly dramatic?"  Tenandys hissed, his 
lightsaber in hand.

"No," came the reply, a whisper through the Force.  "Now shut up and 
fight, goofball."

Qural lit the blade, a snarl on his lips.  He'd started having doubts 
when Adol had described the dream of the Hawk shaman that had visited 
him, leaving a wooden disc as proof of the visitation.

In his pocket, Tenandys could feel the weight of a similar coin, engraved 
with the image of a Ring-Tailed Lemur.

He just didn't get any breaks.

<From the continuing files of Tenandys Qural, Jedi Without a Clue.>
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 18:08:03 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: Spam Wars Interlude 2 (before V)

There it was. The largest shipment of Spam ever was sitting on a cargo 
carrier in a little hovel below the city--that's right, the sewers. That 
is where Adol and company had to hide the Alliance's Spam from Empress 
Jae and her Dark Ones. He had had enough of adventure after his bout with 
Antasius, and it all seemed to be starting for him again. The great Jedi 
Master Yoda once said that a Jedi "craves not" adventure and excitement. 
He neglected to give advice about those who seem to be a magnet for it.

Here was the Rebel Alliance's greatest secret. If Adol could get this 
Spam to the Rebellion, they could sell it all over the galaxy and gain 
enough money to crush the remnants of the Empire forever. But, cruel fate 
had to thwart his plans.

Adol sensed something behind him. He spun around to see Landon Darkwood 
enter the room. 

"Adol," he started, "word has just come down from the main spaceport. 
Empress Jae's Fairly Dark One is locked in a lightsaber duel with 
Tenandys Qural."

"Great," Adol replied. "Well, let's go." The Jedi Knight began to leave.

Landon grabbed his shoulder. "Wait, you aren't going down there, are you?"

"I have to, Landon. Don't you know that the star of the story always has 
to be there for the dramatically appropriate moments?" With this note, 
Adol left.

"Yeah, Jedi," Landon said, his voice trailing off to a whisper. "But the 
Really Dark One is still out there." He ran his fingers through his 
cropped brown hair. No, he thought, this was Tenandys Qural's moment. 
Adol had no part in the fight. Which means that Adol could actually be 
seriously hurt at this encounter. Besides, everyone knows that the real 
star of the story is Empress Jae (shameless plug). 

"It looks like I am going to have to save your butt again, Jedi," Landon 
said aloud. He took off in persuit of Adol. If there was one thing the 
Jedi Knight had a habit of doing, it was getting involved in other 
people's parts of the story. And he would need bailing out. 


The Force shines always...

Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 15:28:07 -0800
From: Bill Knight - De Oppresso Liber <ANWTK@acad2.alaska.edu>
Subject: Spam Wars -The Sage Continues

General Nagolth swept through the corridor, his cloak billowing behind
him.  A look of fury on his face.  *Curse that Jedi!  Curse his black 
soul to the pits of the hell that spawned his cursed being!*  he
thought to himself.  *Curse be upon Spam as well.  It has caused me 
nothing but problems.*
.
The Imperial Sentinels guarding the door to General Nagolth's private
command center snapped to attention at his approach.  Throwing the room's
ornate door open, the General stormed into the center, glowering at the
technicians seated at the room's various work stations.  Brushing aside
an aide with a databoard for him to sign, the General entered his private
chambers and took a seat before a holodisplay.
.
A few quick keystrokes and he had keyed in the address of one of his
mosted trusted agents.
.
A tiny shadow enshrouded figure appeared in the holovid's display.
"Yes My Lord," it hissed.  "What is your bidding?"
.
"There is a tremor in the force, one that I have not felt in a long time.
There is a Jedi from the Order of Knight's Spam, he is making his loathsome
presence known.  I have dispatched the Dark One's to deal with him.  I
have another mission for you, one that will deal with this Spam Jedi's
associates."
.
The shadowy figure drew back at the mention of spam.  "Does the Empress
know of this?"
.
"FOOL!  Do you not think I have warned her?  She wishes the Really Dark
One to deal with him.  She will not listen to me."
.
"Yes My Lord.  I await your orders."
------------------------------------
MEANWHILE, A THOUSAND LIGHT YEARS AWAY, AT A HOLLOWED OUT ASTEROID USED
BY THE ASTORIAN REBELS, A MEETING IS UNDERWAY.
.
"Colonel Mason, we must do something."
.
"Dammitt, I know that."  Snarled the Colonel at the other officer. "I
don't like this anymore that you do."
.
"So, we must help this Jedi, this Adol Larynth."  said the rebel
intelligence officer.  "We can dispatch a special forces team to aid him."
.
"So be it."  The colonel paused, a thoughtful look on his face.  "Has
Captain Sverjac returned yet?"
.
"No.  We've had no word from him in days."  A worried expression on the
officer's face.
.
"Hmmm.  Well then, have Captain Rugga prepare his team."
.
"Yes Sir."  The other officer snapped a smart salute, turned and left
the briefing room.
.
Tiredly, Colonel Mason leaned against the room's only desk.  Taking
a long puff from his stoggie, he looked across the room.  "Well Adol,
'ol friend, where ever you are, May the Spam be With You."
----------------------------------
THE MARKETPLACE
PLANET DRYCAS
.
The Fairly Dark One looked down at Qural.
.
*You will be defeated puny one.  I will be your death*  Qural felt
the whisper in his mind.  *There are no breaks in life.  You will
be mine!*
.
Shambling forward, the Fairly Dark One's mere presence exuded death,
fear, pestilence, famine, and.....pastrami.  Gagging, it took all of
Qural's force training to resist the overwhelming sense of nausea that
swept over him.  He..must..not..give..in.  He..must..fight!
.
Neither of the two combatants paid attention to those around them.  Neither
saw the figure standing deep in the shadows of a doorway in a nearby 
building.  Pulling a comlink from deep within the fold's of it's clothing,
the figure whispered a few words into it.  Satisfied by the response, the
figure put the comlink away then waited and watched.  Soon, very soon it
thought....an evil leer crossing it's face.
.
This concludes another episode of  	S P A M    W A R S !!!!!!
.
		Stay tunned for another exciting episode...
.
And remember-	Serve the Empire!  Always.
.
-End File
-Bill
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 15:39:19 -0800
From: Bill Knight - De Oppresso Liber <ANWTK@acad2.alaska.edu>
Subject: Spam Wars -The Saga's Contiuation Continues

The svelt and lithe Empress Jae looked down at the holovid terminal 
before her.  *Does that fool of a general think I do not know what he
is doing?*  "Sentinel" she called to one of the guards.  "Have Admiral
Angie prepare my personal ship.  I will oversee this myself."  A cold
gleam twinkled in her piercing eyes, a cruel smile on her lips.  Her
icy laugh bouncing off the room's high walls.
.
-Bill (I know, I'm out of turn).
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 1995 21:52:06 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: Spam Wars Again

The lightsabers of the two Force users clashed and sizzled brightly in 
the night air. To hell with the Rebel base and the transport. Somehow, 
the servants of Empress Jae have managed to keep all the really important 
story characters (with apologies to Colonel Mason; you are late to the 
party) from meeting with D'chath's space transport and assistance. 

The Fairly Dark One was actually starting to fatigue from the 
perserverance of this Jedi Qural. 

"I have you now, Dark One," said Tenandys calmly. 

"I think not, Jedi," Fairly replied. 

The Dark One feinted to the left, but Qural saw the maneuver and 
countered before the Dark One could fake him out. Tenandys swung 
repeatedly, and confused the Dark One in a whirling mass of blade and 
controlled fury. Fairly found himself backing away from this 
Spam-empowered Jedi. 

Suddenly, a figure jumped in the fray from above. He landed atop the 
Fairly Dark One and rolled aside, igniting his golden lightsaber. 

"What are you doing here, Adol?" Tenandys asked. "This is my scene."

"I thought you could use some help," replied Larynth.

"Help? I had him under control!"

"This is hardly a time to argue! Listen..." 

Adol was cut off as the Fairly Dark One charged him, and he was barely 
able to fend off the first blows as he scrambled to a better position.

"That's it! You are mine," Adol said. He advanced again with his saber.

"Don't give into hate, Adol!" A voice penetrated the darkness. Landon 
Darkwood bravely strode forward. 

"Who is this, now?" Tenandys was overwhelmed. "I have never seen so many 
scene hoggers in my life!"

Landon pulled his heavy blaster. "I am here to make sure the Jedi doesn't 
get seriously hurt before his big fight at the end. Someone's got to 
worry about the Spam."

Adol recoiled. The Spam! He had completely forgotten about the shuttle of 
D'chath! He swung his lightsaber in a vicious arc and struck the Fairly 
Dark One in the midsection. He fell. 

"Ha, ha, ha...." The laughter echoed in the night air as the body of the 
Fairly Dark One faded and was replaced by Empress Jae's new weapon: a 
package of roast sardines to replace Spam. 

A Force whisper came into Adol's mind. "That is only a sample of what is 
to come. Soon, the entire galaxy will only know fish! There will be no 
Spam! You are too late, Jedi Larynth. Even now, my forces lay siege to 
the Rebel facility outside of town. Goodbye, Adol Larynth."

"NOOOO!" Adol shrieked his frustration at the sky. He had been in the 
wrong place at the wrong time. The Empress had done it again.


"Colonel Mason! Colonel Mason!" The distressed voice came in over the 
shuttle comlink of Colonel Mason as he and his strike force pulled into the 
atmosphere of Drycas.

He touched his comlink switch. "This is Mason."

Many explosions and screams came over the speaker. "This is D'chath, a 
local Rebel operative in the facility outside the capital. We are under 
attack. Adol and Tenandys never showed up as planned. They were caught up 
somewhere else! The Empress' forces have almost made it to the Spam. And 
they are using...sardines!"

"By the Force, sardines!" Colonel Mason could only pity the barbarity of 
it. He set coordinates to the base. He only hoped Adol and the others 
would get there in time....

(Empress Jae...svelt? Nah....)



The Force shines always...

Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 10:26:45 +0000 (GMT)
From: DEBHEAD <K939641@crystal.kingston.ac.uk>
Subject: Spam Wars continued...

  "Colonel Mason!" The Colonel whirled in his seat on the slowly
descending shuttle as he heard the note of alarm in his sensors
operator's voice. "Something BIG coming out of hyperspace!"
  "Imperial?" the Rebel officer demanded. "Reinforcements from
Empress Jae?"
  "Negative, sir. Doesn't match any known configuration!"
  "Find out who they are and-" the Colonel's order was cut off as
the shuttle shuddered with sudden impact. "What was that?"
  "Ground-to-air missiles, sir! The Imperial forces besieging
D'chath's installation are shooting at us!"
  "Well, of course they're shooting at us, they're the enemy! Get
a grip, man. Pilot, bring us down to the installation. We have to
help defend the Spam at all costs!"
  "Attention shuttle," the comlink crackled. "This is Helgard
Drakenfels, Terminator Captain of the Blood Angels Chapter. We've
been monitoring your transmissions to the ground installation and we 
know that you are Defenders of the Spam. Do you require assistance?"
  What was a Terminator? Mason wondered. What was a Blood Angel,
for that matter? But he could hardly afford to refuse the offer.
  "We'd be grateful for your assistance, Captain."
  "We thought so. Spam may be the last hope, for our people as well
as yours. The forces of evil must not get their hands on it."
********************************************************************
  On the ground below, Imperial Stormtroopers and AT-ST walkers
ringed D'chath's small installation, firing from all sides. It was
all the outgunned rebels could do to hold them off. Then suddenly,
red-armoured figures simply appeared on the battlefield, materialising
from thin air. Imperial Guards! thought the Rebels. Now they were
truly doomed! But no...the newcomers were attacking the forces of the
Empress! Whoever they were, they were friends!
  Captain Drakenfels led his men of the Blood Angels Terminator 
Company into battle, the assault cannon on his left arm chattering
as it blasted down rank after rank of the white-armoured servants of
this Empress who sought to capture the holy Spam. One of the white-
armoured ones came too close, and was rewarded by the impact of the
Terminator Captain's thunder hammer on his armoured chest, with an
explosion that tore the hapless servant of Empress Jae apart and
hurled several of his comrades to the ground. The Captain smiled.
The evil ones, who sought the Spam and were no doubt in league with
the Genestealers, were outgunned and falling back. Once again his
men had saved the day. But for how long? Spam had all but vanished
in his home galaxy due to the depredations of the Genestealers. He
had to find a way to get this consignment back to Earth with him - no 
matter what its current defenders wished.

To be continued?...

Martin

**********************
***D.G.I.F. #011527***
**********************
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 09:48:46 -0400
From: argtemp@pobox.upenn.edu
Subject: More SPAM WARS

As Adol screams his frustration (NOOOOO!) the jedi feels a warmth in his
pocket where the coin was stowed, (Tenandys feels a spark from the lemur)
and the mysterious white light returns, only this time, the lady steps out
for real!!!

"Young Jedi! I have come in your time of need!"

She reaches back into the light, and pulls out .... Fishing gear and nets!
"I have brought the holy relics of my tribe, The Fly-fishers gear! By using
the force to guide our lines, we can reel in those sardines before they
reach the spam!"

"Oh and by the way, sorry about the lemur, I ran out of wooden hawk-nickles
and had to go for lemur-pennies"

"So shall we go save the known universe?"

****************

Admiral Angie runs through the checks on the ship, warms the engines, and
waits for the Empress' arrival.  She sighs, runs a hand through her
silvering hair, and thinks, I'm to old for this shit.  Nevertheless, as the
Empress enters, her salute is still sharp, and her reports as concise as
ever. "ETA is one half hour, empress, 20 minutes if we push it"

"Make it 15!" snarls the empress.

"Yes great one!" Angie snaps to attention again, and gets ready to red-line
it.  Oh well, at least I'll get to stomp on some rebels . . . and a few
uppity imperial buts! That general was getting too big for his britches
anyway . . .

**********

So continues the saga of

SPAM WARS!!!

Yes, I will try green eggs and spam, Sam I AM!
(quote from the jedi master Seuss)

Angie
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 14:51:57 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tenandys Qural <beattier@river.it.gvsu.edu>
Subject: Spam Wars - The Escalation

Tenandys reeled back, flattening himself against a wall as the vision 
overtook.  He hated when plot driven Force powers manifested themselves, 
but he knew better than to resist.

He saw the forces hurtling toward the planet, the potential destruction 
that they carried.  Mason and his crew, Empress Jae - the winsome enemy 
that saught to destroy everything that he was now fighting for, and some 
new, not quite understood factor.  What, he wondered from the depths of 
the vision, were Genestealers?

"Adol!"

"Huh?  What?"  The Jedi looked up from the corpse of the Fairly Dark 
One.  Beside him stood the one called Landon, and a little ways away 
stood the shaman that Tenandys could have sworn was a hallucination.

"Something, I don't quite understand... You've got to get to the Spam 
base.  There's a lot going down..."

"Spam Base 1?  Oh no, I'd almost forgotten..."  He turned and started 
away, shutting down his saber and hooking it to his belt.  "Come on, 
we've got to hurry!"

"You go ahead," Tenandys said weakly.  "I'll catch up..."

"No, you've got to come with us.  You know, dramatic finale, and all 
that.  This is the point that we overcome the enemy and bring Spam to the 
galaxy.  Spam for the people!  Spam Forever!"

Tenandys shook his head.  "No.  It will not end that easily."  And 
besides, he thought to himself, I want to have a little breather from you 
scene pigs.  "I have the feeling that we have much yet to overcome."  And 
then, maybe I'll reappear to steal one of your dramatic moments.

Adol shrugged and turned down the alley, joined by the mysterious shaman 
and the less mysterious Landon.  Soon, they were out of sight.

Tenandys leaned back against the wall, allowing himself to slide to the 
ground.  He had neglected to tell them, or even the audience, about the 
forces that were to arrive behind the Spam Marines.  The ones that he 
feared the most.

***

The Defel admiral strode the bridge of the massive, and previously 
undescribed warship, his thoughts on the coming battle.  He knew his 
place in the way of things, perhaps better than anyone else involved in 
this narrative.  He was to be well described, he thought, and he would 
have a more secure role than that F8 guy.  (One from the vaults.)

"Sir," a random imperial-looking captain hurried up, replete with dumb 
looking helmet.

"What is it?"  The Defel's voice was a low growl.  "There had better be a 
good reason for you to disturb my profound thoughts."

"Sir," the man looked uncomfortable, "we will arrive in the gravity well 
of the planet Drycas within a chapter or so."

"A chapter or so?  You overestimate your importance, captain."  The Defel 
toyed with the idea of stirring the captain's brains into a fine puree or 
just simply sizzling him with a burst of Force Lightning.  "I think also 
you overestimate the length of this ridiculous narrative."

The captain gulped audibly and predictably.  "I'll see what I can do, my 
lord."  He then hurried away.

The Defel turned back to his view of starlight and darkness.  Soon, he 
thought.  Soon he would reckon with all that took the glory of Star Wars 
and defiled it for their own purposes.  The name of Lucas was sacred, and 
any who did not understand this would be dealt with harshly.

They would learn to tremble at the name of Zottig Morde, Dark Lord of the 
Smith.

Zottig turned and glared at the author, for his breach of narrative.

Er, Dark Lord of the Sith.

Zottig turned back to the stars.  He would continue the fight agaisnt 
these heathens.  There had to be a purist, one who fought against all 
that was not Star Wars.  And that was he.

***

Tenandys pulled himself slowly to his feet, the lingering effects of the 
bad plotting and the ominous vision playing real hob with his balance.  
He took another deep breath, trying to clear his head.

"As if the random authorship wasn't bad enough, I'm getting hit with cut 
scenes."  He shook his head.  "Now to get on with my part."

"You will die for your words!"

Tenandys looked up to see a dark form lurking in the alley.  The figure 
looked familiar, yet more devious and nasty.

"Who in the blue hell are you?"

"I am the One Who is a Little Darker than the Last One.  And you will die 
for your crimes against the Empress.  Call me Phil."

"Oh.  Does this mean that I'm still not getting any breaks?"  The lemur 
coin was still in his pocket, feeling leaden in its inequality.  "I think 
I was doing better when someone else was writing me."

"Nope.  No breaks.  Now die!"  The One Called Phil charged forward, his 
lightsaber held in the Luke Skywalker style of Lightsaber combat.  
Tenandys could never see the point of wielding a lightsaber like a 
baseball bat, but it seemed to work all right.

"What's that behind you?"  Phil skidded to a stop and glanced behind him.

"What, another plot device?"

Tenandys took the opportunity to cleave Phil's head from his shoulders.  
"There can be only one... Spam," the Kyanin breathed.

That was the one thing about all of the minions of Empress Jae that he 
had seen.  They were really pointless.  Maybe next narrative, he thought.

He shut down the lightsaber and started down the alley, wondering where 
the plot would take him next.  It was out of his hands now.

***

Adol looked at the carnage taht had been Spam Base 1.  "There's no Spam, 
Landon.  What could have happened?"

Landon and the shaman were picking through the remains of the dead 
minions of Empress Jae.  "I think we're just out of luck, Adol.  Bad 
plotting, you know."

It all seemed hopeless to them now.

And they'd almost forgotten that Empress and Mason, and Zottig, were 
about to arrive.  The plot was sickening.

Er, thickening.

<From the Files of Tenandys Qural, Jedi without a Clause.>
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 15:50:08 -0400
From: argtemp@pobox.upenn.edu
Subject: Mysterious SpamShaman

Well, I figure I'll un-mysterize her a bit so you guys can add her to your plots
(the rest of you I believe have posted descriptions on the net for your guys)

She's tall, slim, with white hair and ice-blue eyes, and is dressed in a
black and silver leather robe.  Her totem is the silver banded hawk, and
her name is Timaya, but you can call her... Tim     (sorry, had to put the
Grail joke in!)

She's from the planet Kelan, in the far outer Rim, and is the last
surviving shaman of her tribe - there may be others on the other continent,
but she hasn't heard from them.

Other than that, just make sure she's real pompous and quotes stupid
spam/jedi stories.

See you in SpamLand
Angie
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 16:16:03 -0400
From: argtemp@pobox.upenn.edu
Subject: Re: Spam Wars - The Escalation

>Adol looked at the carnage taht had been Spam Base 1.  "There's no Spam,
>Landon.  What could have happened?" It all seemed hopeless to them now.
>And they'd almost forgotten that Empress and Mason, and Zottig, were
>about to arrive.

-landon- I don't know about you Adol, but I'd like to know who this lady is
and why is she's handing out wooden nickles!

The shaman looks up from her searching " Know you that I am the shamaness
Timaya, and I have come in search of spam!"

"Yeah, but didn't you send a dream telling Adol to find you?" says Landon

"I did, but it gave me such a bad headache it took three cans of spam for
me to start thinking straight, and there just isn't enough spam left to get
all the way through a jedi dream quest.  So I booked the next ship to
drycas and showed up in the dramatically appropriate moment.   Say, am I
hearing things, or is that a ship coming up on the left..."

-landon- No, I think it's coming on the right...

-adol- Then what's that overhead....

(a collective DOH! comes from the trio as possible doom approaches on three
sides)

*So continues the saga of the Jedi Knights of Spam*

-------------------------
Well, I've tied in most of Trenandys's plots, from here i'll pass it on to
the rest of you!

Angie
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 16:41:36 -0800
From: Bill Knight - De Oppresso Liber <ANWTK@acad2.alaska.edu>
Subject: S P A M W A R S!!!!

The Saga Continues.....
.
The rebel shuttle bearing Colonel Mason lurches as an explosion outsides
rocks it.  The Imperial ground to air missiles (GAM) strike it.  The 
Astorian pilots frantically force the shuttle into manuevers not normally
recommened to avoid the fire.  Within moments, or at least by the end of
this scene, they'd be on the ground and disgorging troops to reinforce
any survivors or defeat any Imperials.
--------------------------------------
FADE TO IMPERIAL PALACE SUB-LEVEL
.
General Nagolth's burly, muscled knotted body moved easily thorugh the
narrow 5 foot (1.5 meter) high tunnel.  Watchful of his steps, the 
General kept an eye towards the globs of smelly, putrid slime hanging
from the tunnel's ceiling.  The thought of that stuff getting into his
mohawk didn't appeal to him.  His six foot (2 meter) tall frame made
it difficult though.
.
Cursing at the filth collecting on his polished jack boots, he was glad
to see the maintenance ledge were the meeting would take place.
.
A smile creased his face as he recognized the shadowy figure of his 
agent.  Soon, soon, the situation would turn to his favor.
.
-End File
-Bill Knight, Knight of the Order of Chocolate Chewy Candy Caramels
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 22 Apr 1995 23:36:00 -0400
From: inmanj@peak.org (Joel Inman)
Subject: Spam Wars N

AS all the other plots collide, one hero who missed the bus is busily
working to free the galaxy of *real* meat.  Ewww.  We now join our somewhat
kinda hero:

        Mork works hurriedly on arming the bomb he had just placed in the
engine of what he thought to be Empress Jae's personal ship, but is actually
just her golf cart.  As he connects the wires between the bomb (a fish with
gas) and the timer device (his watch which happens to be set to 9:00 EDT) he
hears a foolishly loud cock of a rifle of some sort.  "Jeese, can't you see
I'm busy?"  He snarls to whoever stands behind him "this bomb is never gonna
work if I can't finish it.  Oh by the way, neat plastic suit.  You look good
in white."

"You are in violation of some law or protocol, but the Empress has so many I
don't know which.  Just surrender or shoot yourself or something like that.
It'll save me the trouble of blowing you to bits."

"You just try and shoot me!  StormTroopers can't even hit a motionless rebel
at point-blank!"

        As blaster bolts whizz past our hero, the Stormtrooper works to
adjust his aim.  Mork, tiring of this, puts a bullet through his neck.  He
quickly finishes the bomb, but decides that a button might work better than
a timer.  He walks away, and then yells to some gullible officer "hey, hit
that red button on the bomb there.  Thanx."  Mork then hurries off to find
some ofther way to increase the spam consumption of the Galaxy.  Oh heck, he
might even go fishing.

                                                Joel Inman

"The Force is strong in this one."
"eh, shoot 'em anyway."
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 21:16:31 -0500 (CDT)
From: Chris Erickson-Lovejoy <cerickso@knox.edu>
Subject: Take Off Eh? -interlude-

The depths of space are enormous.  Parts of space can go for centuries 
with out seeing as much as a hydrogen atom.  This part of space was about 
to recive a visitor.  The slick grey hull of the Enterprise, NCC 1701-D 
slid through the depths of space on a mission of vital importants.
"Captain, if I make ask, why are we here?" asked Commander Riker.
"You see, Number One, Starfleet Command thinks that the Borg may be 
planning another move on Federation territory."  "We are here to evaluate 
that threat and report back to StarFleet."
"Why us?" asked Riker "Why not send the 'Defiant?'"
Suddenly Data interjected.  "Captain, Commander, I may have an idea."
"Good, Commander Data." "Shall we talk in my ready room."
All three officers stood and made for the door.  Unfortunately, as Data 
stood, he failed to notice the warning light that indicated a ship on an 
intercept path.
"You see Captain, I have a theory that this is, in fact, a parody."
"WHAT?" said both officers together.
"Captain, I feel that this is not a StarFleet matter, but an attempt to 
destroy the ship by malcontent Star Wars fans for cheap humor."
"Data, How could you come up with such a theory?"
"I don't know Captain, but my first clue was when I started using 
contractions."  "Any Star Trek fanfic, including blatent parody or sex 
stories involving you and Dr. Crusher,  would at least *try* to get the 
grammer issue correct."  Furthermore, this ship now has 43 decks and the 
'Captain's Yatch' is missing." 
"My God." said Picard "Thats one more deck then the next generation 
tech manual says there should be."
"Yes." said Data.  
"That means our fate is now in the hands of," paused Picard, "of Warsers?  
Wareses?"  "Dammit Data, what are Star Wars fans called?"
"I don't know sir." replied Data.   "Dammit, sir I did it again."
Suddenly the ship was rocked by a concussion and the red alert horn came 
to life.
"Report, Mr. Worf."  said Picard, his voice filled with tension.
"Sir, there is a large cube shaped object off the port bow."
"Scanning Sir. said Mr. Data.
"It appears that this cube is much larger then any other Borg ship we 
have encountered. It masses three times larger then the cube that 
attacked Earth."  "It also appears that this ship is not cube shaped.  It 
is rectangular in shape and has rounded edges." "The cube appears to have 
writing on the side." said Data.
"Computer, decrease magnification."
The side of the Borg vessel appeared in the viewer.  A picture of large 
slab of sliced meat accompanied by a single word filled the screen.  The 
word simplely read SPAM.
"My God." said Riker.  "The Borg have assimilated SPAM!"
"Yes." said Westly, suddenly appearing.  "The Borg have fused with SPAM 
to form the most hidious construct ever know to man, the --ed. wait for 
it, wait for it--SPAMBORGER!"
"Captain, forgive me!" screamed Worf as he vaporized Westly with his 
phasor then turned it on himself.  
"Data, apart from bad puns, are these new Borg any threat to 
StarFleet?"asked Picard.
"No sir, I don't, I mean I *do not* think so."  Spam is a powerful source 
of energy in our galaxy, but the *Spam Force* needed to give the new Borg 
their power is missing."  "That Spam Force has not existed for some time."
"You mean that it existed long, long ago?" asked Riker.
"Yes sir, and proability suggests that it was not near this galaxy."
"You mean that it existed far, far away?"
Suddenly there was a loud slap a dozens of fans smacked their foreheads 
because of the bad puns.  Without warning, the Borg cube, er can, turned 
and vaporized the Enterprise.  Without as much as a stirring Picard 
speech, the entire crew died.  The Borg can's spongy pick collective  turned 
inward and began to search its memory for a place that would fit Data's 
description.  Within moments the can found what it was looking for, and 
ancient planet called Drycas....
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 16 Jun 1995 22:01:13 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tenandys Qural <beattier@river.it.gvsu.edu>
Subject: Spam Wars, etc.

Tenandys paused in his revery, sensing something that had gone horribly 
wrong.  He could sense the forces moving toward them, and he could also 
sense a turn in the tide of battle.

Out there, beyond the sky, he knew there were discussions that were 
wholly forbidden, concerning places beyond this War among the Stars.  And 
he knew, that the one called Zottig was moving to dispatch the forces as 
quickly as they had arisen.

He doubted that there would be any more mention of Treks or Marines, else 
would the assembled arise and destroy the infidels.

And the assembled did wield power that put both the Force and the Spam to 
shame.  He shuddered.

And turning, he shambled off to another part of the plot, rubbing the 
Lemur Penny between his fingers.

He figured that, somehow, he was still getting the short end of the 
plot.  (And somewhere, he could hear the complaints of some unnamed De 
Opresso Liber.  "Oink, oink, oink...")

The plot goes ever onward...

<From the files of Tenandys Qural, Jedi without a plot device.)
---------------------------8<------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 17 Jun 1995 13:43:06 -0400 (EDT)
From: Leonard Balsera <a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us>
Subject: Spam Wars--close to the finale

Adol surveyed the scene with grim despair. Dead STs, no sign of the 
Empress, and no Spam.

"My God." Landon Darkwood had uncovered something on the ground. It was 
the body of D'chath, the Rebel operative.

"He goes to meet Spam, now, Landon," Adol noted. A Force vision began to 
solidify in his brain, and he followed it.


Colonel Mason and his troops, followed by a contingent of Space Marines, 
blasted their way into the local impound yard. The reason? Landon 
Darkwood's ship, the Minas Tirith, was there. It was the only way to get 
the Spam off planet. (Yes, they took the cargo with them.)

As a Terminator Librarian began to rip apart one of the Empress' security 
guards, Mason reached the onion-smelling exterior of the Tirith. He 
opened the hatch and clambered inside. There, he found a blaster pistol 
pointed right at his head.

"I am the Slightly Lighter but Still Sort of Dark, Well, Maybe Tanned 
One. You are too late to save the Spam, Colonel...."


"Landon!" Adol expelled the vision from his mind. "Use the beckon call on 
your comlink. Get the Minas Tirith over here."

In compliance, Landon switched on his comlink and spoke into it.


The Tirith began to shudder, giving Colonel Mason the moment of 
distraction needed to kick the blaster out of Slightly's hand and crack 
him good across the face in the same motion. Slightly fell backward and 
fell prey to a long, elongated blaster shot that blew his chest open. 
Mason stared in amazement as a figure dressed head to toe in armor 
stepped from the shadows of the corridor.

"My name is AJ. I am an associate of Landon Darkwood. Please tell me who 
you are." With this, the armored figure pointed his light repeating 
blaster directly at Mason's groin.

"I crusade for Spam!" Mason shouted.

AJ lowered the weapon. "Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

The Tirith was already leaving the scene of battle, and arrived at Adol's 
location five minutes later.


"Hello..." Landon's eyes drifted away in contentment after seeing his 
ship again. The Ghtroc freighter landed, and Landon and Adol boarded it.

Inside, Landon took control and flew back to the impound yard. A few 
blasts from the bridge laser cannon took out the rest of the security, 
and the Spam was successfully boarded, with a portion going to the 
Marines for their assistance. It seemed like all was going well. AJ, 
Landon, Adol, Maranda, Lara (Landon's gal), and Colonel Mason were 
aboard, the Spam was saved, the good guys were all alive, and peace had 
returned to everyone's lives.


But what about Tenandys Qural, the Jedi without a lot of things? As he 
arrived at the Rebel base to catch up on the action, a small beam of 
light came out of the sky and hit the ground in front of him. It 
solidified into a tall man whom he knew well.

"What are you doing here, Zottig?" Tenandys asked, as he realized his 
importance in the plot once more.

"The Spam is not Star Wars," the Sith Lord replied. "It must be stopped."

"You can't stop the Spam, Mord. Its presence grows with every second. 
Already it is too powerful for you. Admit it. Spam and Star Wars have 
merged. And we are forced to sit on the sidelines and watch it develop."

Zottig Mord reflexively reached for his lightsaber. "NO! This phenomenon 
is not permanent! It can't be. Star Wars has thrived for years without 
this Monty Python-type nonsense. This has become a mockery, so bad it 
could be a Mel Brooks film. We must destroy it. WE must destroy it, 
Tenandys. Join me."

Qural smiled grimly (neat how that works, isn't it?). "Once again, you 
misunderstand, Dark Sider. The Spam must be allowed to live its own 
lifespam. It will die, on its own, as the writers begin to tire of the 
idea and the readers begin to get sick. I am but a player at this, and am 
willing to wait for Spam to go out of the mind as long as I have to. 
Until then, I shall defend Spam. Such is the way of things. The way of 
the Force."

"You know, Qural," said Zottig as he began to fade away, "it is a dark 
time indeed when a Jedi and Sith Lord do not have a stereotypical 
lightsaber battle after an argument. Farewell, Jedi." The Sith Lord 
disappeared.

Qural looked down at the ground for a moment. He then looked up as the 
Minas Tirith streaked overhead and out of the atmosphere. He heard a 
Force whisper in the back of his mind.

"Tenandys," Adol Larynth began, "it has been fun. God willing we shall 
all meet again in Spam Wars II: The Empress Strikes Back."

"Yes," Tenandys answered. "See ya around, Adol." But in the back of his 
mind he realized that Zottig Mord probably wouldn't listen to him, and 
that Adol and the Tirith were sailing into a trap. He was about to tell 
Adol this, but then he realized that for once, he could upstage them all. 
He departed for his own ship.

<Ok, people, now let's end this thing and go home. -Len> 


The Force shines always...

Adol Larynth, Jedi Knight
a027280t@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us