Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9IMQ5V8BE068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:19:51 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 5E4C94B0 ; Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:19:00 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5543216 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:12:20 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id SAA26508 for ; Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:12:15 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA111265951; Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:19:11 -0400 Date: Sun, 15 Sep 1996 18:19:11 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Re: The injustice to Wedge Antillies In-reply-to: <009A8699.EF688751.129@uwwvax.uww.edu> Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT There is the scent of smoke in the newest throne room of the Empress, the base at Drycas having been long since compromised through the efforts of those that had come before... Out of the shimmering haze, a single figure strides, long white man flowing over his shoulders and bringing the black fur of his felinoid features into sharp focus. Tenandys Qural breathed in slowly, looked aorund and grinned a particularly feral grin. It was good to be back... Enough intro... My thoughts on the current... > Pash Cracken might be good, but he's a rookie!!! Pash Cracken was also trained by the best the Empire had to offer. Admittedly, he may not have nearly as much combat time as Wedge, but there is still the difference between the best military training and being raised as an orphan by a smuggler. And besides, who ever said you have to stick to the rules anyway? If Wedge is needed to lay waste to an Imperial armada, so be it. And any player of mine dumb enough to challenge him would be so much smoking debris... Hi, guys... Miss me? Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9IZ3SPFSM04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:14:35 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 01BEA8F0 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:14:20 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5551899 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:07:38 -0400 Received: from emout18.mail.aol.com (emout18.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.44]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id AAA16375 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:07:35 -0400 Received: by emout18.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id AAA12807 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:14:49 -0400 Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 00:14:49 -0400 From: Mark Hudson Subject: Re: The injustice to Wedge Antillies Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Heywood254@AOL.COM Message-id: <960916001448_309356922@emout18.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Colonel Snap strode the bridge of the Star Destroyer 'Revenger', his fists and brow snarled in rage. The TIE fighters he had scrambled to intercept the Minas Tirith had failed and once again, Landon Darkwood had escaped. One of Snap's underlings stirred nervously. "Yes, worm, what is it?" Snap snapped. "Uh, sir, I'm reading a partial signal, I'm not sure what it is, but if I didn't know better I'd say it came from the Drycas system." "Impossible! We left every structure on that world a smoking wreck! Show it to me!" >Tenandys Qural breathed in slowly, looked aorund and grinned a >particularly feral grin. It was good to be back... Snap's draw dropped. No. That's not true. That's impossible. "Noooooo!!!" Snap stomped off the bridge to plot his vengeance, but not before he cancelled the crew's Tekka Nut rations. He would not be the only one to suffer. ------ As for poor Wedge and his feeble stats, remember the golden rule of roleplaying games: Everything is Optional. I imagine those stats predate the rise of the Cult of Wedge thus his place as just another rebel pilot. If don't like 'em don't use 'em. I bet Stackpole doesn't. Personally I think the background WEG came up for Wedge is a load of dingo's kidneys. I will go to my grave believing Captain Antilles is Wedge's father. Welcome back, Ten! Mark Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9JKYZFQC88WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:40:29 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 597FA510 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:39:33 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5561271 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:32:50 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id KAA07887 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:32:49 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA283514788; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:39:48 -0400 Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 10:39:48 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluffier than some (was Re: The injustice to Wedge Antillies) In-reply-to: <960916001448_309356922@emout18.mail.aol.com> Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT > "Impossible! We left every structure on that world a smoking wreck! Show it > to me!" One of Snap's bridge crew glanced up at these words, his jaw clenching. He knew how it could have happened, but it had seemed unlikely at the time. Who could have known the locked steel door in the basement was of any note? I mean, what exactly *was* 'Kat Storage', anyway? > >Tenandys Qural breathed in slowly, looked aorund and grinned a > >particularly feral grin. It was good to be back... > Snap stomped off the bridge to plot his vengeance, but not before he > cancelled the crew's Tekka Nut rations. He would not be the only one to > suffer. Qural slipped through the wrecked halls of the Palace, pausing every now and then to gaze at the destroyed furnishings. It had been a long, hard battle to claim the stronghold of Drycas, and this was what it had come down to. He looked up at the night sky, wondering what he had missed in his time in stasis. Quietly, Tenandys slipped the guitar from his back and stalked down the halls towards the kitchen. He needed a Mantellian Microbrew Ale, a handful of Tekka Nuts, and then he'd be ready. The question was, of course, if Snap's men had left any beer in the fridge. If they hadn't - then things would get messy... Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9JZNPOGB2068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:41:18 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 1A4C7040 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:40:08 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5574293 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:33:23 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id RAA00819 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:31:33 -0400 Received: from [128.163.15.25] ([128.163.15.25]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id RAA02032 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:38:41 -0400 (EDT) Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 17:38:44 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: Re: Fluffier than some Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT >The question was, of course, if Snap's men had left any beer in the >fridge. If they hadn't - then things would get messy... Somewhere on the ruins of Drycas, Eildath the Dark inhaled the smoke-clogged air. Ahh, it's good to be back, he thought, as he casually chomped on an Ewok and Hoojib sandwich. He picked up a large rock and crushed it with his mind. He turned to his servants, the only ones to survive the canon wars last year. "Bring my my shuttle," he said to the smaller of his slaves. "Yeah, heh heh heh. Shuttles are cool. Are you going to, like, blow something up? Destroy, destroy, fire, fire, FIRE! You can say, 'I am Eildath the Dark, Emperor-apparent of the New Imperium, and you must bow down and kiss my butt! The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers!" Eildath pulled his Force saber and slew the idiot. "Whoa! That was cool!" "What?" Eildath said, enraged. "That kicked ass!" "Excuse me?" "Uhh, what?" "Do you understand Basic?" "What language do you speak?" "Uhh, what?" "'What' ain't no language I ever heard of." "Uhh, what?" "Say 'what' again. I dare you, I double dare you motherf****er, say 'what' again!" "Uhh, what?" Eildath drew a blaster and shot Butt-head through the skull. He walked off towards his fighter. "Damn, it's so hard to find reliable help these days." Eric Lee Cline Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9K29IAOS28WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 18:55:29 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 8135C2C0 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 18:54:35 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5576574 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 18:47:53 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id SAA06079 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 18:47:52 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:54:43 +0000 Received: from ppp-4.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.50) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:54:42 +0000 Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 18:47:52 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: Re: Fluffier than some Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609162247.SAA06079@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 05:38 PM 9/16/96 -0400, you wrote: >Eildath drew a blaster and shot Butt-head through the skull. He walked off towards his >fighter. > "Damn, it's so hard to find reliable help these days." Minos Hurloon examined the two bodies. One had obviously died of a blaster wound to the head, and the other seemed to have been cut in half, possibly by a lightsaber. "DAMN!" he thought to himself. "The bounties on these two would've been pretty smeggin' useful!" But this was no time to dwell on things he couldn't change. He had a mission to complete. Beer. He had to find the beer. The vintage Wookie Ale was supposedly buried deep in the lower levels of the crumbled complex, and he needed it. THE CRIMSON JIHAD needed it. While searching the complex, Minos thought of his friends, the two other former members of THE CRIMSON JIHAD. Damian was probably off training with that Baadu Cexer Biis, and Quel...well, Quel was probably serving 10 to 20 somewhere. But then again, for Quel, 10 to 20 usually meant 10 to 20 minutes. But soon they would join him again, and THE CRIMSON JIHAD would return. The Wookie Ale would assure that. Nothing initiated strong male bonding like intoxication. And nothing could get someone as smeggin' smashed as Vintage Wookie Ale. Coming out of his reminiscing, Minos realized he had reached the lower level of the complex. Dangerous territory this place. He'd heard horrible rumors about the lower levels of the Drycas Royal Palace. Yups, Spam, and even the dreaded...Zima. All these abominations were rumored to live, or HAVE lived in this place. With a Rodian Throwing razor in one hand, and a Vibroaxe in the other, Minos cautiously descended down the tunnel. Minos Hurloon You have had the pleasure of having your mailbox invaded by THE CRIMSON JIHAD. Thank you for your time. This message will self-destruct in 10..9..8.. koch@northnet.org Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9K3DW48Y8068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:27:56 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 011F7090 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:26:48 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5577507 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:20:04 -0400 Received: from vm.stlawu.edu (vm.stlawu.edu [199.0.76.25]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id TAA08170 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:19:55 -0400 Received: from VM.STLAWU.EDU by vm.stlawu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with BSMTP id 2239; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:26:01 -0400 (EDT) Received: from MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU (NJE origin MUSIC@STLAWU) by VM.STLAWU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 9834; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:26:01 -0400 Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:26:01 -0400 (EDT) From: Marsh Anne Subject: Re: Fluffernetter In-reply-to: In reply to your message of Mon, 16 Sep 1996 19:18:34 EDT Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Marsh Anne Message-id: <16SEP96.20988378.0026.MUSIC@MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU> X-Mailer: MUSIC/SP V5.1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT "Well," thought Devor Alac, "I don't know if I can do this. But if I must, then I must." He dived to the planet's surface. The Fluf-O-Matic fully charged and with spare batteries (AAA size) just in case, Dev was ready. Then again there was the MCDF backing him up, all ten SNSDs in the active fleet. The drop was uneventful. But he had to take no chances. The beer must remain safe. It needed to ferment for another thousand millenia before it was ready to drink. 119% alcohol and then it would be ready. But the drinking fanatics that were preparing to tarnish the holy site... Better to destroy it and remove the threat of total galactic intoxica- tion then let it fall into the wrong hands. Just then a measly Imperial-class Star Destroyer dropped out of hyper- space. As it moved into an objective orbit over the shrine, the com- bined firepower of several SNSDs completely obliterated it. "Uh-oh. That reminds me. Better not be any Dark Jedi here. That would reallllllly complicate matters..." Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9K528JE2M8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:15:46 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id C04455C0 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:15:06 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5578687 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:08:21 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id UAA10773 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:08:20 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA090839317; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:15:17 -0400 Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 20:15:17 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Re: FLuff like the wind... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Tenandys Qural stepped out of the wreckage that was the former Drycas Stronghold, a Mantellian Microbrew Porter clutched in his cybernetic left hand (someone had drank the last lager, and the ale got funky...) and a bag of Tekka Nuts under the other arm. He breathed in the fresh air of the planet's exterior and stretched, wondering where he would have to start. The Nabiki, his massively modified Skipray, was in a secret hiding place outside the compound, untouched in the attacks, conveniently enough. And from there, he would have to marshall his forces for the counterstrike. He belched quietly, casting the empty bottle back into the smoking ruins. He had come to Drycas to drink beer and kick butt. And he was all out of beer. Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9KAEG7XRS8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:48:30 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 0CC0D260 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:47:33 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5582737 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:40:51 -0400 Received: from anshar.shadow.net (anshar.shadow.net [204.177.71.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id WAA19856 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:40:49 -0400 Received: from hyper (darkwood@hyper.shadow.net [204.177.71.251]) by anshar.shadow.net (8.7.3/8.7.3) with SMTP id WAA18077; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:52:12 -0400 (EDT) Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 22:52:12 -0400 From: "Landon C. Darkwood" Subject: Return of the Fluffster... In-reply-to: Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: darkwood@hyper To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Landon C. Darkwood" Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Comments: To: Tenandys Qural "What do you mean, they actually hit us?" Astar Leage's voice came back over the comlink. << I guess Snap's bozos were more competent than we thought. I'm having trouble even keeping her at cruising speed, and you don't even want to know what the hyperdrive motivator just belched at me. I suggest we touch down somewhere. >> Landon sighed and looked at Shaddaden Tystari, his co-pilot, who was still chuckling at him. The great Landon Darkwood forced to touch down for repairs because of some lowly TIE Fighter pilots. At least there wasn't any dried Spam left in the ion exhaust port like there was the last time he got involved in one of these ridiculous narratives. "Okay," he said after a time, "let's see what close to us..." His fingers flew across the console in front of him, going through different navigational charts and other data that the navicomputer decided to put on the screen. The image of the closest planet caused him a shudder, and the fact that he wouldn't be able to make it anywhere else caused him another. Shad entered the coordinates almost mechanically as he studied Landon's face. "Is there something wrong with the Drycas system?" The stars in the front viewport faded into starlines and then into the mottled background of hyperspace. Landon watched the psychadelic spacescape and sighed again. He always got like that when he realized that there were many bad puns ahead. Hell, he didn't even need his Force user to tell him that more silliness was to come. "There's nothing wrong with Drycas...if you're a Monty Python fan..." A frown formed on Shad's face, and he turned to look out the front viewport as well. "It's not too late to change course, is it?" Landon shook his head. "It is. Looks like we're back in the fluff, after all." He turned to the comlink speaker. "Astar, I want full shields and as much power in the triple gun as possible. And get the autochef to start dishing out Tekka Nuts, would you?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Landon C. Darkwood, the Wyld Card | 7-year RPG Gamemaster, Writer, Poet, darkwood@anshar.shadow.net | HLFIC-L and FKFIC-L Lurker for Hire, "There can be only me..." | Occasional CFW, and Always Immortal... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9KBBU9HY88WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:15:27 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id D52BDC60 ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:14:38 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5583577 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:07:53 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id XAA21642 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:07:49 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.206]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id XAA23670 for ; Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:14:49 -0400 (EDT) Date: Mon, 16 Sep 1996 23:14:49 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: FLUFF: The Ruins of Drycas Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960917031449.00689108@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT >That reminds me. Better not be any Dark Jedi here. That would >reallllllly complicate matters..." Eildath took his Assault TIE into orbit, intent on returning to Darkhold, his throneworld, to fetch his army. As he crossed into the day side of the planet, he saw Devor Alac's massive Destroyer. Cursing, he wished he'd brought his Eclipse SD with him, but that would have been a tad ridiculous. Devor Alac saw the advanced craft from the bridge. They couldn't identify it, for only one Assault had ever left the New Imperium's Darkhold Reach, and it had not been seen... NEW IMPERIUM TRAINING FILM: HOW NOT TO BE SEEN This is TK-421. He can not be seen. In this film we are going to teach the importance of not being seen. TK-421, will you please stand up. This demonstrates the value of not being seem. This is THX-1138. THX-1138, will you stand up. THX-1138 has learned the first rule of not being seen: not to stand up. However, he has picked a very obvious hiding place. ABC-DEFG has chosen a very clever hiding place indeed. He could be anywhere in this solar system. However, we happen to know he's orbiting the star. THE END Devor Alac ordered the craft captured, but Eildath was too quick, dipping back into the atmosphere. Eildath brought the Assault TIE to a screeching halt and hopped out. He looked around for a few minutes. Damn, he thought, I've lost my saber. He picked up an old Pringles can from the ground, looked at it, and tossed it away. Then he say an old mop handle. Breaking a bit off, he grasped it and focused the Dark Side of the Force into the handle. The blue-white beam shot from the wood, creating his trademark weapon. Then he turned his attention to making some new slaves... On the hidden world of Darkhold, Raptor One sat in the Comfy Chair. He had been imprisoned by Eildath ever since the end of the Canon Wars. If only, Tenandys hadn't ate those damn Tekka Nuts, I wouldn't be here. Two of Eildath's Dark Adepts entered the room. They wore their Dark Adept NEVR-DI Armor(tm). They held a small device in their hands. "We've been saving this for a while, Raptor," one of them said. "What the Hell is that?" he retorted. "We like to call it 'Mr. Thingy.'" "NO!" Come to Demented Daala's Use(less)d Military! All the insurrection stopping you'll ever need for just... Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9KDHF90IA8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 00:17:05 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 6D1050D0 ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 00:16:09 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5585224 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 00:09:23 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id AAA24632 for ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 00:04:34 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Tue, 17 Sep 1996 04:11:25 +0000 Received: from unknown (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.34) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 04:11:24 +0000 Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 00:04:34 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: Re: FLUFF: The Ruins of Drycas Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609170404.AAA24632@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 11:14 PM 9/16/96 -0400, you wrote: >Then he turned his attention to making some new slaves... > Minos Hurloon turned the corner, and pulled back behind the wall just in time. "SMEG!" he thought. "Eildath the Dark! A Dark Jedi! I _hate_ Dark Jedi!" But he could not abort the mission. THE CRIMSON JIHAD had to return. Pulling the mask of his suit up over his head, he stepped out into the open. "Hello there stranger." he said, in as cocky of a tone as possible. "What brings the great Eildath the Dark to this little pile of rubble?" "Eh?!" Eildath spun around. "Who the f*** has the cohones to talk to ME like that?!?" "Why don't you read my mind and find out bucko?" "Maybe I'll just do that!" And with that, Eildath focused his power. But nothing happened. Something was keeping him from reading this man's mind. Angered, Eildath hurled a bolt of Force Lightning at the stranger's head. It vanished less than an inch from the intruder's face. Determined to destroy this...abomination, he hurled his force saber at the grey-clad stranger. But as it struck him, it's blue-white blade dissipated. "WHAT ARE YOU?!?" screamed the enraged Eildath. "Me?" said Minos, "Oh, I'm human. But this suit I'm wearin', it's kinda special. I got it off a Verdix who tried to ice a friend o' mine. Y'see, the Verdix hate the Force. And they hate people who use it even more. They wear this armor to protect their warriors from the Force-Users they hunt. The base cloth suit, it's made from cloned Yslamiri skin. And the armor plates, they charge up just like a Leth Enrgy Cage. So, anyone wearin' one o' these, is pretty much invisible to force-lackeys like you. In case ya care, it also works pretty cood as plain old armor" Eildath growled in anger. "Anyways," Minos continued, "I figure, without the Force, we're almost evenly matched. ALMOST. But if yer a gamblin' man, I wouldn't put any bets on yourself. So here's my idea. Either we fight it out, or we work together. And since I don't think either one of us wants to be unconsious on the floor when the Zima comes, I say we take option B." Eildath pondered for a moment, then spoke. "OK, fine. But what exactly are we gonna work together on Force-ghost?" Force-ghost. Minos liked the sound of that. "Finding the Wookie Ale. All the characters in this story are here for the Wookie Ale, don't you know that? If we weren't the plot wouldn't be contrived enough." "Fine," hissed Eildath, "but what about the others looking for the Ale?" "Oh, we'll all end up havin' to work together, and then the Ale'll probably just get destroyed in some stupid accident. That's how these stories always work out ya know." "But if you know that'll happen, why even bother?" "To move the story along E! By the way may I call ya E?" "No." "Ah well. So anyways, you do it to move the story along E! Don't you know anythin' about bein' in a fluff?" Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org "Hello Mr./Ms. Imperial Man/Woman. You have had the pleasure of having your installation raided by....THE CRIMSON JIHAD! Bavaria! Bavaria! Land of chocolates and miniture porceline figurines!" Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9L8FXP14W068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 15:03:08 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 3724AF80 ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 15:02:16 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5601060 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 14:55:29 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id OAA01966 for ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 14:55:26 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA247486942; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 15:02:23 -0400 Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 15:02:22 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluffy and soft... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Tenandys Qural smiled at the young Kyanin femmes wauntering past the beach chair he was sitting in, their tails flicking suggestively and their lithe, felinoid bodies barely contained by the fashion lycra that was considered proper bathing apparel. He raised his bottle of Hoth Ice Lager at them, noting the seductive, 'come hither' expressions that the simple gesture garnered from the trio of girls. In the background, chords from Blue Shift Spiral's former pop tune, 'Beach On The Other Side,' played. He took a swig of the beer, turning to look into the camera. "New Hoth Ice. It's too hot to be this damned cool." There was a voice off to his right. "All right! That's a wrap!" Qural shrugged, swilling down the rest of the beer. The girls pulled to a stop and started back. "Are we done for the day?" The director came walking up. "Yeah, why don't you chicks take off. Just be back here at 9:00am for the next setup?" Tenandys stood up, pitching the beer bottle into the ocean. There was a war gathering, forces aligning against him, and who knew what else going on somewhere else in the narrative - but there was always time to do a beer ad. After all, he had to make a living somehow, didn't he? And, from the way things were developing, the only line of work that made sense in this narrative was being a beer salesman. Now, if only he could have gotten that Wookiee Ale gig... Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9LK51US2Y068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:37:59 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id FCD34A10 ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:37:04 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5610901 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:30:17 -0400 Received: from emout17.mail.aol.com (emout17.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.43]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id UAA23717 for ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:30:15 -0400 Received: by emout17.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id UAA07182 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:37:35 -0400 Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 20:37:35 -0400 From: Jedi Iles Subject: Re: FLUFF: The Ruins of Drycas Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: JediIles@AOL.COM Message-id: <960917203735_104378880@emout17.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT In a message dated 96-09-16 23:36:35 EDT, you write: >>That reminds me. Better not be any Dark Jedi here. That would >>reallllllly complicate matters..." > > Jedi Master Iles, Creator of the Computer, lover of good Bouncy Bubble Beverage and Baked Traitors, was awakened from his deep meditation by a disturbance in the Force. "Damn, Dark Jedi and Wookiee Ale, bad mix. Hmmm, guess I should do somethin bout that. That's all we need, another DDJ (Drunk Dark Jedi) on the hands of the galaxy. The last one almost turned me into a newt! I really didn't want to go to the Drycas system again, but I suppose I have no choice. I hope they do have some Tekka nuts, though...it's been awhile since I've had a good Tekka nut...some Spam, too, maybe. And while I'm there I could commune with the Yup sages that are rumoured to still live there..." With that, Jedi Master Iles jumped into his heavily modified Armaggeddon-class Tie fighter and set the nav computer to take him to the Drycas system. As the stars stretched into starlines, he popped his favorite CD into the player...'He's a Lumberjack and he's OK, he sleeps all night and he works all day...' As he exited realspace into the Drycas system, in the Fluffier area of the galaxy... "Well, well what have we here? MCDF Destroyers, eh? Must mean Dev's here, hope he hasn't made too much of a mess already...I'd hate to have come here for nothing... Well, at least I know he'll help to save the beer from Eilidath the Dark...maybe I need to start using periods more in the middle of my sentances...like that you see..." ---------------------- Ah, great to be back after the crash of the Computer : ) Those darn mutant Commie traitors sabotaged it again...Yes, I love the FLUFF Steve Jedi Master Iles Jedi Iles@aol.com Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9LLI7F2MQ068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:17:38 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 72E55360 ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:16:10 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5612400 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:09:22 -0400 Received: from vm.stlawu.edu (vm.stlawu.edu [199.0.76.25]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id VAA26591 for ; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:09:20 -0400 Received: from VM.STLAWU.EDU by vm.stlawu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with BSMTP id 0026; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:15:32 -0400 (EDT) Received: from MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU (NJE origin MUSIC@STLAWU) by VM.STLAWU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 5722; Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:15:33 -0400 Date: Tue, 17 Sep 1996 21:15:31 -0400 (EDT) From: Marsh Anne Subject: Strawberry Marshmellow FLUFF!!! Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Marsh Anne Message-id: <17SEP96.22959573.0052.MUSIC@MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU> X-Mailer: MUSIC/SP V5.1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT "Well, all the major players are here. If only the Yups were still around," Dev remarked as he noticed Iles' ship entering the system. But we must act fast... Upon landing on the surface, Dev pulled out his Beer-o-matic detector that had been custom built for this mission by his Mon Cal mechanic, Keylamer Neshta (combination of nestea and a nashta...)(sweet but has a bite). He popped in his favorite CD into the slot in his armor and the sounds of "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIImanuel Kent was a real pissant... " flooded his helmet. "The beer-o-matic better not let me down like the smeg-o-matic did," thought Dev darkly. He followed the readings to the entrance into the underground palace. He carefully took a step into the darness...squish. squish. squish? SQUISH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!! The steps down were guarded with...Dark Spam!!!! This time, he knew, for a fact, that if they weren't the heroes, they were all dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed! Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9LXGRIAEQ8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 03:00:02 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id FB0C4F70 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 02:27:47 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5621142 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 02:20:59 -0400 Received: from emout02.mail.aol.com (emout02.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.93]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id CAA15499 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 02:20:59 -0400 Received: by emout02.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id CAA12024 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 02:28:19 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 02:28:19 -0400 From: Mark Hudson Subject: Fluff: The Gathering Storm Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Heywood254@AOL.COM Message-id: <960918022819_287461249@emout02.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Deep within his mediation chamber, Colonel Snap turned the Snivvian opera up another notch and reached for a cool refreshing beverage. "Wine Cooler? Sands of the Mad Nebula! What the deuce is this?" Snap's fist pounded the comm. "Commander Fnord!" Fnord's pleasantly concerned face popped into the screen. "Sir?" Snapped shoved the bottle into the holocam's eye. "What is this?" "I believe that would be bottle of wine cooler, sir." "Why is it not the Indoran Pale Ale, I've ordered to be served to me?!" "I see. Yes. Well, sir, it would seem that in our haste to evacuate the, ah, Drycas system. We had to leave behind certain supplies deemed 'non-essential' and..." Snap's face went Zeltronian beet red. "Non-essential! Note in the log that your commander's drink and victuals shall never, EVER be deemed 'non-essential'!" Fnord made a note. "Noted, sir," he said. "As our arrival to the Drycas system is imminent, we will be able to retrieve your cache of acholic beverages." Snap was mollified. "Fine," he muttered as he sipped his wine cooler. ----- Meanwhile on the bridge of the 'Revenger' Ensign Dooley considered his options. The ship was headed back to the Drycas system, and his failure to drop a thermal detonator into the room marked 'Kat Storage' might be discovered. But he really wanted to save that last explosive for the keg party he was planning for his next shore leave. Honesty is the best policy, he decided. He'd come clean. Certainly, Colonel Snap would respect that. The turbo-lift door opened and Snap marched out on to the bridge. Ensign Dooley eased towards the Colonel. "Commander Fnord! Report!" Fnord popped to attention, "Sir, we have arrived at the Drycas system. However there is a fleet of destroyers in orbit the likes of which I've never seen. We identified ourself as agents of the Galactic Empire and they threatened us with electric death." "What? Arm all turbo-lasers!" "Um, yes, sir, the battle computer estimates our odds of surviving a conflict with such a force to be seventeen jillion to one." "Hurm." Snap thought about it for a moment. "Send a message to them, identifying me as your commander and tell them that if they do not back off we shall unleash the the prototype-capitol scale CanonCannon upon them." "But, sir the last known bit of Continuity Technology was destroyed in Mil Atran..." Dooley eased up to the Colonel as Snap glared at Fnord, "It's a bluff, you pinhead." "Oh! I see! It's just like that episode of Star Tr- urk!" Snap's meaty fingers wrapped around Fnord's neck. "Don't say it." Snapped spun to face Dooley, "You, what do you want?" Dooley paused a moment as he watched Fnord's face turn from pink to blue. "I just thought I should point out that... err... there's a bit of lint on your uniform." Dooley flicked away an invisible speck. "Officer thinking, Mr. Doogie. That's just the kind of concern for a superior officer we need more of around here!" Snap released Fnord who fell away gasping for air. "Ensign, you're with me! Prepare a team of our finest Stormtroopers and a shuttle. We're going down to Drycas. First we'll get my beer, then we'll deal with those pitiful rebels." Dooley gagged louder than Fnord. "Beer, sir?" "Of course. Is there a problem with that?" Snapped hissed. "No sir!" Dooley said quickly. Of course there was a problem. There was something else, Dooley had left out of his report. Something important. Something that could change the tide of the whole Rebellion. Or maybe not. -Fade out to Commercials- FADE IN: INT. CLOUD CITY - NIGHT LANDO CALRISSIAN is holding court in the center of a festive party. The lights of the Cloud City skyline twinkle in the background. Tuxedo-wearing Ugnaughts offer refreshments to the guests. LANDO: "After a long day of Tibana gas mining, there's nothing better to blow off steam than getting together with a few good friends and sharing a few rounds of Colt .45 Malt Liquor." A bevy of Bespin beauties surround Lando. He smiles as he cracks open a fresh brew. LANDO: "Colt. 45, you'll truly belong here with us among the clouds..." FADE OUT. Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MIDD7RJS8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:59:28 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id EA2ECE00 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:57:14 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5629291 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:50:25 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA08118 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:50:24 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA132355845; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:57:25 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 12:57:24 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluffy like the clouds... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Aboard the Nabiki, Tenandys Qural was plotting his hyperspace coordinates. He'd brought the ship to the edge of the Drycas system, secreting it among the asteroids in order to avoid detection by the incoming Imperial fleet. And now, it remained to him to figure out where best to go. He paused in his computations to crack a brew ("Try new Dark Side Dark! It's quicker, easier, and more seductive than any ice lager!"), grab a handful of Tekka Nuts ("You can't eat just one bag!"), and flick on the HoloNet vid. There were a couple of bad holosoaps on, which he flicked past, looking for one of the new sitcoms he'd seen advertised. He settled back to the calculation of the hyperspace coordinates, listening to the vid... EXT. TATOOINE - ROUNDBALL COURT. Darth Vader is dressed in a black roundball jersey and shorts, standing at the edge of the court. Dust blows across the scene, and the sound of jawas is heard in the background. Camera pans to his opponent, High Inquisitor Tremayne, who is dressed in a red jersey marked with the logo of the Inquisitors. Loud music plays. Voice Over - "In a contest like this, skill won't always do it." Vader moves forward, dribbling in a fast break towards the hoop. Voice - "Dirty tricks won't always do it." Tremayne moves to cover him, lightsaber coming out. Voice - "How well you use your lightsaber won't always do it." Vader kicks Tremayne in the shins, feints to the right, and pushes towards the other end of the court. Tremayne recovers and follows, rubbing at his shin. Voice - "Even your jedi mastery over the Dark Side won't always do it." Vader jumps in slow motion; Tremayne tries to block on the lay-up. Voice - "Sometimes, it all comes down to the shoes you're wearing..." Vader sinks it, nothing but net. He settles back to the ground, after which he proceeds to beat the crap out of Tremayne. Camera focuses on his shoes as blood splatters on the ground. The logo is easily seen. Voice - "Air Vaders. Because sometimes the Force just isn't enough..." FADE OUT Tenandys Qural looked up at the ad, sipping at his beer. On the one hand, he liked the commercial sponsors, but on the other hand, he wished he'd been able to get a better gig. He flexed his feet in the Air Qurals he was wearing and went back to the computations. Maybe if he got a better slogan for the shoes, he'd have made more money... Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MPDJ344G04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:19:24 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 188BF0E0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:18:58 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5634405 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:12:07 -0400 Received: from nco.northfield.mn.us ([206.146.61.8]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id QAA18707 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:11:32 -0400 Received: by nco.northfield.mn.us (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA05485; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 15:18:24 -0500 (CDT) Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 15:18:23 -0500 From: Mike Overbo Subject: fluff: the stuff hangovers are made of In-reply-to: Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: overbom@bluto.microassist.com To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Mike Overbo Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Biirta, sitting at his computer console, purveyed over the so-called drinkers in the crowd. "Beer... harumph." Tenandys he understood. Darkwood and his cohorts, Eildath, all as well. After drinking more dangerous substances, he could understand their need to lighten up. Biirta would often drink beers (his favorite was Kenobi Light, but was known to drink Vader's brews... "So powerful, it will Force you to your knees."), but hard liquor and nothing else could get him to forget his woes. For better or for worse, they all went back a long way. Back when they knew no better, Baadu was known to slam tatooine sunburns with a bit of meaty death floating in there. It wouldn't dissolve, not in anything that he had ever seen. It wouldn't even burn in his Sunjammer's matter/antimatter core. He shuddered with fear. Some regarded the substance with levity, jokes, and would blow it off as another meat product. But not Biirta Baadu. "I have seen the SPAM, and verily, it is become death." Biirta gazed mournfully out into the stars. It was still out there. And he hadn't the power to destroy it. A vastly powerful coalition had tried, and failed. The SPAM was truly inexorable. --- Just figured I'd butt in, the fluff just calls to me sometimes. //mcmike// survivor of Spam Wars I, Spam Wars II overbom@nco.northfield.mn.us "jawohl, ich war der Kapitaen die monkeyhosen" "verily, I was the captain of the monkeypants" Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MPOQT5FW068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:28:10 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 2F5C6FB0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:26:46 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5634619 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:19:55 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id QAA19169 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:19:54 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Wed, 18 Sep 1996 20:26:54 +0000 Received: from ppp-5.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.51) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 20:26:54 +0000 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:19:54 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: Re: Strawberry Marshmellow FLUFF!!! Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609182019.QAA19169@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 09:15 PM 9/17/96 EDT, you wrote: >He carefully took a step into the darness...squish. squish. squish? >SQUISH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAGH!! The steps down were guarded with...Dark >Spam!!!! This time, he knew, for a fact, that if they weren't the >heroes, they were all dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed! > "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Minos spun around at the sound of the scream. "Yo E, sounds like someone's in trouble!" "Yes," replied Eildath,"so?" "So, we gotta help 'em!" "Why?" "'Cause we're the heroes o' this Fluff, that's why!" "Oh. So long as you have a good reason." With that, they barreled down the hallway in the direction of the sound. When they reached it's source they found Devor Alac, blasting away, up to his ne-nes in Dark Spam. "Dark Spam!" Eildath shuddered. "Such a perversion of the Dark Side of the Force, even _I_ cannot stand it's presence." "Yeah, sure, whatever." replied Minos. "But I can handle it. Just throw yer redshirts to it ok?" "Huh?" replied Eildath "But what good'll that..." "Just do it! Have the redshirts form up and attack!" "Whatever." With that, the slaves formed a group and assaulted the Dark Spam. The Dark Spam, knowing full well the laws of the Fluff, abandoned their assault on Devor Alac, and made the unavoidable attack on the redshirts. "Perfect." thought Minos. As the Dark Spam lept onto the redshirts and began to consume them, Minos activated a device on his belt, opening the tiny portal into his pocket dimension. Reaching inside, he pulled out his customized DRG-1X Dragonlance. Flipping it on, he activated its plasma projector, and, just as the Dark Spam was finishing its meal, unleashed a deadly stream of plasma fire. FWOOOSH! The Dark Spam went up like...um, well, like Dark Spam. "Groovy." said Minos, grinning underneath his mask. "Fried Spam. Anyone hungry?" "Ick." was Eildath's only reply. Minos rushed over to the fallen Devor Alac. "Yo, Dev, you OK?" "Umm, yeah. It takes more then a little Dark Spam to bring me down!" "Yeah, well where there's Dark Spam, there's sure to be Dark Zima", Eildath pointed out. "So we'd better get moving." "Yeah, E's right", said Minos, stuffing the Fried Spam into his pocket dimension, "so let's move! I got a feeling we'll be running into the other characters pretty soon...otherwise the story's not gonna go anywhere." Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org "Hello Mr./Ms. Imperial Man/Woman. You have had the distinct pleasure of having your installation raided by...THE CRIMSON JIHAD! Oh, by the way, you're out of beer." Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MQPBVEXK068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:57:14 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 45D921D0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:56:01 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5635418 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:49:12 -0400 Received: from vm.stlawu.edu (vm.stlawu.edu [199.0.76.25]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id QAA20485 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:49:09 -0400 Received: from VM.STLAWU.EDU by vm.stlawu.edu (IBM VM SMTP V2R3) with BSMTP id 7038; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:55:22 -0400 (EDT) Received: from MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU (NJE origin MUSIC@STLAWU) by VM.STLAWU.EDU (LMail V1.2a/1.8a) with BSMTP id 4337; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:55:22 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 16:55:22 -0400 (EDT) From: Marsh Anne Subject: Zima Wars (the Fluff strikes back...) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Marsh Anne Message-id: <18SEP96.18276619.0044.MUSIC@MUSIC.STLAWU.EDU> X-Mailer: MUSIC/SP V5.1.0 Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT With the three "heroes" re(?) united, Dev, Minos and "watzisname" as Dev dubbed the Dark Jedi drove ever onward into the deep, deep, dank, dank, dark, dark, depths, depths of of duplicity duplicity. If If we we can can stop sto- "Would you stop that!" shouted Minos and smacked Dev upside the head. "Sorry, armor speaker got stuck on echo mode." "This has better be the least of our worries or else the dreaded Zima will get us all," piped in Elidrath "I don't know. But if we don't get the punctuation marks in, this will never make it past the editor," commented Dev. "You're right. The preceding line by me should have read: ... Elidrath. There. Now we can proceed in our journey." As the trio marched onward, Dev pulled out his beer-o-matic again. "So this is what got you this far. But only the power of the Dark Side can get us out." "Shaddduuup!" Minos smacked Elidrath over the head. "Yeah. But in these tunnels the range will be limited." "How come it worked fine on the surface?" "I dunno. Ask the writers of the Fluff." The beer-o-matic went......"ping." "Aaah, I see you have a machine that goes "ping."!!!" chimed in Minos and Elidrath simultaneously. "You didn't have to do that," said Dev. "Yes we did," said Minos. "I sense a great disturbance in the Force...run! It's the dreaded ZIMA! Run for your lives!!" shouted Elidrath and took off madly down a dark tunnel. "Well, I could follow him, the insane one who happens to have paranormal powers, or I could stay here and possibly have to fight the Zima," said Minos. "I'm with him." He dived off after Elidrath, screaming even more like a sissy. "Well, better stay together." And Dev followed them, boosting the power to his external speakers to scream even more like a sissy then all of them. And the Zima closed in... Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MU89HWK48WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:37:42 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 569F6160 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:36:43 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5639522 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:29:50 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id SAA29504 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:29:49 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.249]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id SAA06775 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:37:11 -0400 (EDT) Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:37:09 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: Re: Zima Wars (the Fluff strikes back...) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960918223709.0068a2a4@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT It's spelled EILDATH(pronounced "aisle-dath") And now... It's... Zima Wars Episode 3.14159 Death Awaits You, With Nasty Pointy Things > Run for your lives!!" shouted Eildath and took off madly down a dark >tunnel. This is my chance, Eildath thought. Time to lose these bozos. Eildath came to a three way stop in the tunnel. He made two Force Doppelgangers of himself and sped off in every direction. >>"Well, I could follow him, the insane one who happens to have paranormal powers, or I could stay here and possibly have to fight the Zima," said >>Minos. "I'm with him." He dived off after Eildath, screaming even >>more like a sissy. >>"Well, better stay together." And Dev followed them, boosting the power >>to his external speakers to scream even more like a sissy then all of >>them. And the Zima closed in... > >Dev and Minos stopped at the crossroad. > >"Which way did whatzisname go?" Dev asked. > >"Uh, I don't know. There are three sets of footprints. Suddenly they heard a shout from down the hall. > >"He went that way," they said, headed off in two directions. > >They stopped. "No, you're right," they said, and went off in the opposite directions. >The Zima burst into the chamber. Minos looked at Dev. > >"Why are we ripping off the Restaurant at the End of the Universe at a time like this!" >The Zima attacked. > > >There will now be a whopping great intermission. > > >Raptor flew his Marauder down to the surface of Drycas, Superman-style, and landed on his stomach. He suddenly wondered how Superman flew and landed like he did. His 'Mech stuck, he leapt from the cockpit and down to the ground. The smell of rotten spam and Zima hung in the air exactly the same way Vogon Constructor Fleet ships don't. He slipped on his Schwartz ring, surprised it was still in his pocket after the Canon Wars on Mil Atran. He looked at the fallen Marauder, concentrated, and lifted it up. He closed his eyes, lifting it over his head and setting it down gently. Setting it down in a swamp, as a matter of fact. By the time he opened his eyes, The Raptor had slipped out of sight. > >"Damn. How did Yoda do it," he said. > >Suddenly, he heard a scream. Eildath the Dark ran from a tunnel in the ground and right into Raptor. He looked at the MechWarrior, who still had on his fearsome-looking custom neurohelmet, and panicked. > >Dev and Minos emerged from the tunnel and ran into Eildath's back. > >"What's up, E?" Minos said. > >"Don't call me that," Eildath replied, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" > >The three spun and ran back... >into the Dark Zima. > >Raptor, sensing his presence was not needed, quietly slipped out of the swamp and ran towards the destroyed castle. > > > > > >"And now for something, aaaahhhh!" > > > > > Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MUEKJVOM8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:42:47 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 160E56A0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:42:04 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5639894 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:35:14 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id SAA00119 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:35:11 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.249]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id SAA07853 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:42:29 -0400 (EDT) Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:42:31 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (by way of koch@northnet.org by way of \"Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie\" )" Subject: Re: FLUFF: The Ruins of Drycas Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (by way of koch@northnet.org by way of \"Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie\" )" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960918224231.0069fce0@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Sorry if you read this before, but I'm not sure if I posted it. It happened before Zima Wars: The Fluff Strikes Back. >"To move the story along E! By the way may I call ya E?" > >"No." > >"Ah well. So anyways, you do it to move the story along E! Don't you know >anythin' about bein' in a fluff?" "Of course I do," Eildath replied. "But the last one I was in was more serious that this. I tried to stay out of the Canon Wars last year." Eildath summoned his Dark Side power into an empty space ahead of him. He needed new servants. This turn of events had distressed him greatly, since he HATED working with anyone. The last character he'd worked with, he'd shot lightning up his ass and dropped a BattleMech on his house. Oh well, it's not like he had a choice. Focusing the Dark Side, he created four new slaves for his army. Each was apparently a human, dressed in slick red fabric that was meant to look futuristic. The four looked around, straightening their crimson jumpsuits. Minos looked at them. "Umm, y'know E, you're not even supposed to mention people from that universe." "So what? They'll serve my purpose, and their harder to kill than stormtroopers." He paused. "And don't call me 'E.'" They neared a hole that had been part of the palace at Drycas. Eildath went to one of his slaves. "Ensign Kilmefast, go see if that entrance is safe." "Yes, sir." Eildath's servant walked to the hole and decended out of sight. It was silent for a moment. Then... "Eildath, sir, you'd better get a look at... aaaauuuugggghhhh!!!!" As Eildath and Minos looked on, they saw a rabbit with a blood-stained head emerge from the hole. Eildath rolled his eyes. "Oh, no." Minos looked at his new acquantaince and said, "Looks like a standard plot device to me." Raptor One cringed under the assualt of 'Mr. Thingy.' The Dark Adepts who used it were quite efficient. Eildath was screaming things about his life he'd have never told anyone. "Yes! Yes! Please stop! So I did watch the first two Care Bear movies. AAAAHHH!!! All right, I cried at the end of Where the Red Fern Goes. Please stop." Just then the two Dark Adepts dropped dead. "Hmm, I wonder how that happened?" Raptor had precious little experience with plot devices, even ones as contrived as this one. He looked down at the bodies. They had both had fatal brain aneurysms. Raptor skipped away from the cell and made his way to the vehicle bay. He saw his 'Mech, The Raptor, sitting by itself in the corner. He went over to it and climbed in. His neurohelmet was in the seat. As he turned on the systems, he noticed that Eildath's techs had been playing with the systems. He turned on the computer and logged in. A screen came up listing the changes to his 'Mech since then last time he was in it. Installed - One Hoersch-Kessel Ion Drive - One Class 0.5 Hyperdrive - One HoloNet Transceiver - One VCR - One Year's Subscription to All the Channels - One Wet Bar - One IN-STA-GLOP(tm) Food Dispenser - One Year's Supply of Tekka Nuts Once again, Raptor couldn't grasp a simple plot device, and took off for the one planet he was certain he could find people he knew... Drycas. Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "What... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" "What do you mean, an African or a European swallow?" "What, I don't know that, aaaaiiiieeee!!!!" -Arthur, King of the Britons and the Old Man from Scene Twenty-four, Monty Python and the Holy Grail Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MURF2SIO068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:53:06 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 79353900 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:52:00 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5640148 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:45:08 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id SAA00676 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:44:51 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:51:52 +0000 Received: from ppp-4.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.50) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:51:52 +0000 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 18:44:51 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: Re: Zima Wars (the Fluff strikes back...) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609182244.SAA00676@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 06:37 PM 9/18/96 -0400, you wrote: >>The three spun and ran back... >>into the Dark Zima. Minos didn't have time to yell at Eilath for trying to ditch them, as they were up to their collecitve jugulars in Dark Zima. Reaching into his Pocket Dimension(TM) he searched for something to fight the Dark Zima. Franticlly searching his mind for any memory that could help him, he remembered the words of Harry. "OF COURSE!" shouted Minos. "Huh?" said Eildath. "He's gone wacky on us." said Dev. "Minos turned to face the Dark Zima. "Well Zima, perhaps you'll talk for....MR. SUCKY THING!" and, wielding the mighty Mr. Sucky Thing, Minos proceeded to suck up every last drop of the Dark Zima, banishing it to where ever it is that the things Mr. Sucky Things sucks up go. "Whew!" panted Minos, exhausted. "Y'know, this would be the perfect time for Iles and Qural to show up, them being the other heroes of this thing and all." "Yeah," Dev replied, nodding his agreement, "I wonder what the smeg's taking them so long anyways?" Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org "Hello Mr./Ms. Imperial Man/Woman. You have had the distinct pleasure of having your installation raided by...THE CRIMSON JIHAD! Now go awy, or I shall taunt you a second time!" Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9MX0E22UW068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:57:46 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 848ABF60 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:56:44 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5641833 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:49:54 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id TAA04237 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:49:53 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.249]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id TAA21075 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:57:09 -0400 (EDT) Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 19:57:09 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: Re: Zima Wars: Raptor has a hangover Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960918235709.0068fdb4@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Oddly enough, there was a bar open on Drycas. Raptor walked in and sat down. "Zalian Incinerator," he said. A Zalian Incinerator was another of the long line of system named drinks. Zalia was a quintuple star system. When Raptor awoke, he was in the bathroom, his head bowed to the duraporcelain deigod and a pile of Tekka nuts in his neurohelmet. That's funny, he said, I don't remember those. He reentered the bar, surprised to find it had been totally blown away. What kind of beast could cause such wholesale destruction. It couldn't be the Dark Spam or the Dark Zima, could it? He looked up. What he saw was unexplicable. Dark Treet. Treet... the spam of Spam. How could such a low class foodstuff be here. Dark Treet couldn't possibly be as powerful as Dark Spam... Raptor woke up. This time the bar was still there. Zalian Incinerators could do that to you. Undertaker: Are you bored? Depressed? Tired of life? Keep it up. Next Week on H-62 Voiceover: The Masterpiece you've been waiting your whole life to see! Voice: Star Trek 326: The return of the original cast through the miracle of cloning. SEE! Pauses in between words that defy imagination! SEE! Effects that were outdated 24,000 years ago! SEE! The SuperDuper-class Enterprise-Z take on a Star Destroyer, and lose! BE THERE! Raptor woke up. It had been an unusually long commercial. He walked out of the bar, and finally reached, one of the half-destroyed castle walls. "Hello?!" he said. A man with archaic-looking armor appeared. "I'm looking for the Wookiee Ale," Raptor said, though he did not know why. "Do you know where I can find some?" "We've already got plenty," said the man. "You do?" "Of course, silly Federated Commonwealth person." "Can I have some?" "No!" "Why not?" "You're a FedCommer." "Well who are you." "I'm French, you twit. Why do you think I have this ridiculous accent?" "Why does that matter?" "I don't know..." There was a pause. "Do you want to come back to my place?" "Sure, why not?" Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9N3DAZZZ48WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:59:57 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 910634E0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:56:02 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5645131 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:49:10 -0400 Received: from post.aecom.yu.edu (post.aecom.yu.edu [129.98.1.4]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id WAA11925 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:49:05 -0400 Received: from yu1.yu.edu (yu1.yu.edu [129.98.200.100]) by post.aecom.yu.edu (8.7.5/8.7.3) with SMTP id WAA05412 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:56:27 -0400 (EDT) Received: by yu1.yu.edu (AIX 3.2/UCB 5.64/4.03) id AA84575; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:56:57 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 22:56:56 -0400 From: "Alter S. Reiss" Subject: Mmmmmmm. Fluff. Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Alter S. Reiss" Message-id: Organization: Yeshiva University MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Things looked dark for our fearless heros. The Dark Zima was gone, but for how long? For it is the way of all Zimas that despite their initial defeat on the fields of public response, they keep coming and coming... And Mr. Sucky Thingy had worked once, but how often can you use a plot device in a single Fluff? As they continued their search for the Wookie ale, a low uldulating scream sounded in the distance, growing louder and louder, until it was cut off by the sound of something large and fleshy and soft whacking into something hard and ground like. "What was that" asked Minos. "Dunno" replied Dev, cracking open a new bag of Teckla nuts. the two turned to Eilidath, who was leaning against a wall, his face a pasty white. "Judging by the fact that you are leaning against a wall, your face a pasty white, I can only assume that recongnized that sound" said Dev, through the Teckla Nuts. "Yes" replied Eilidath "It is a prescence that I have not felt for a long time. A prescense so dark, so powerful, so consumed by the dark side that even I fear it. That was the shipless re-entry of HOMER J. SIMPSON, DARK LORD OF THE SITH!" "So what" said Minos, tapping his anti-force armor significantly, "I have anti-force armor, which I shall tap significantly". "Pitifull Fool" said Eilidath, sneering. "You have no concept of his power. Listen, as he passes through the Spam and the Zima, which should have regenerated by now." There was a strange moaning sound... "Mmmmmm. Partialy fried dark spam mixed with red shirts....." Hideous chewing sounds followed for a while, and then a silence." "Well" said Dev, in the omnious silence that followed. "He got past the Spam, but most people could do that. I'd like to see anything get past the Zima alone..." The silence was broken by one of the most hair raising sounds any of the trio had ever heard, in their long and illustrious careers of violence and mayhem. "Mmmmmm. Dark Zima... tastes just like saliva with a tiny little lit bit of alcohol... Mmmmm. Alcholic spit..." "NOOOOOO!!!" shouted Minos, his face a mask of terror. "Nobody could..." Elidath's face was all the confirmation that the others needed. "He's DRINKING IT!!!!!" "Now do you think that your armor will stop him? Can you imagine how fast he'll go through the Ale?" said Elidath, some of his composure returning as he witnessed the terror on the other's faces. "Run away, Run away" they all corused, as they headed down another stretch of mazelike passages. "By the way" said Dev, as they put some distance between themselves and that horror "what powers does he have besides eating?" Eilidath didn't break his stride as he thought. "Can't say I can think of any...." Alter S. Reiss Just thought I'd put 2c in..... Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9N4C9FKO404ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:27:14 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id F0293AE0 ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:27:20 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5646073 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:20:27 -0400 Received: from post.aecom.yu.edu (post.aecom.yu.edu [129.98.1.4]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id XAA13588 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:20:26 -0400 Received: from yu1.yu.edu (yu1.yu.edu [129.98.200.100]) by post.aecom.yu.edu (8.7.5/8.7.3) with SMTP id XAA06992 for ; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:27:50 -0400 (EDT) Received: by yu1.yu.edu (AIX 3.2/UCB 5.64/4.03) id AA43041; Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:28:26 -0400 Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:28:25 -0400 From: "Alter S. Reiss" Subject: Mmmmmmmm. Fluff. (cont.) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Alter S. Reiss" Message-id: Organization: Yeshiva University MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT The everlasting horrors! I forgot the closing commercial. Lando is warming up that famous smile, as a gofer hands him a new case of Colt 45. Looking straight into the camera, with a cheery twinkle in his eye, he begins "After a hard days work mini... " His spiel is broken as an obese figure in a cowled robe places a four fingered yellow hand on his shoulder. "What the.." He exclaims, as the hand jerks back, tossing him over the cowled figures shoulder, leaving him in a crumpled bloody heap in the ruins of a futuristic card table. "MMMMM... BEER." The cowled figure exclaims, Sith choking the tops off the longnecks, and TKing the beer into his waiting maw. The Colt 45 is gone fast, and he looks around for more. Spying a Uganaught, he reaches out a hand: "Mmmmm. little troll snacks...". The extras scamper wildly about, avoiding his ponderous grabs, and are saved when he spots a large mettalic cylinder. "Aggggghhhh... Unprocessed Tibianna gasses!" he exclaims, and begins siphoning the contents into his stomach. Fade to Black. Alter S. Reiss O.K. Now I'm done. Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9NRG8A7NO8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:29:24 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 4F5316B0 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:28:33 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5653639 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:21:39 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id KAA02024 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:21:38 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.200]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id KAA24456 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:29:00 -0400 (EDT) Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 10:28:57 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: Re: Mmmmmmm. Fluff. Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960919142857.0068cbf4@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT > "By the way" said Dev, as they put some distance between >themselves and that horror "what powers does he have besides eating?" > Eildath didn't break his stride as he thought. "Can't say I can >think of any...." ...but shouldn't that suffice?" The trio ran through the ruined landscape, as the enraged cartoon character chased them. Eildath turned towards Minos and Dev. "Don't you guys have anything that would help us?" "Sorry, no," said Minos as he boosted his speed. "Ditto, here," answered Dev. Things looked grim for our heroes, when suddenly the artist suffered a fatal heart attack! The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for the Wookiee ale could continue. Eildath, by this time, was quite out of breath and needed a break. So he concentrated and created a fairly large bottle of lum. Taking a large swig, he passed the bottle to Dev. Dev also partook of the beverage. Minos looked over. "What's in the bottle?" he asked. "Lum," Eildath replied. "Mmm. You mind if I have some of your tasty beverage?" "No, go ahead." Minos grabbed the bottle. However, the anti-force abilities of his armor caused the beverage to vanish. "Smeg," he said. "There's a disadvantage to this armor I hadn't thought of." Eildath got an evil gleam in his eyes. "Well, why don't you take off the armor and I'll conjure up another bottle." "I'm not that stupid," Minos said. "Besides, I can't trust anyone with an evil gleam in their eyes." "Wha? Oh, damn!" Dev looked around. "Where is everyone? This story is beginning to drag..." *** Raptor stood in the Frenchman's castle. The inept soldier lie on the floor, stunned unconscious. Raptor searched the castle ruin completely, and didn't find any Wookiee Ale. Dejected, he walked outside and back to the swamp. He gave the Schwartz another chance. Slowly, The Raptor lifted from the water and settled down on the spam-encrusted ground. He climbed into the cockpit, ready to fight evil by his own peronal... uh... ... idiom! That was it. Then he looked at his status monitors. The entire supply of Tekka nuts had been ruined. "Damn!" he said. "@#@$()*(^#%$*&^(&%$#%*$(%$!" he added. Maybe, he thought, if he could find Tenandys, he could get some nuts from him. Singers: Doo, doo, do, do, doodoo, doo wah... Darth Vader is fighting Luke Skywalker on Bespin. Luke is backed up farther and father, and falls into the carbon-freezing pit. Vader flips the switch. Luke is lying in the pit. From inside his shirt, he pulls a pack of Mentos and eats one, then leaps from the pit. Darth Vader turns, and looks down the pit. Nothing. He looks up, and see Luke. Luke pulls his pack of Mentos and flashes them at Vader, who gives Luke a thumbs up. Luke looks at the camera, and flashes the Mentos pack. Voice: Mentos: The Fresh Saver! Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "What... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" "What do you mean, an African or a European swallow?" "What, I don't know that, aaaaiiiieeee!!!!" -Arthur, King of the Britons and the Old Man from Scene Twenty-four, Monty Python and the Holy Grail Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9NUYD8IPO8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:09:32 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 50837800 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:08:48 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5655994 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:01:55 -0400 Received: from emout19.mail.aol.com (emout19.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.45]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA07136 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:01:54 -0400 Received: by emout19.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id MAA08419 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:09:20 -0400 Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:09:20 -0400 From: Mark Hudson Subject: Fluffs 'R' Us Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Heywood254@AOL.COM Message-id: <960919120920_105730588@emout19.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Colonel Snap and his team approached the ridge. "Well, Ensign, what do you see?" Dooley put the macrobinoculars down a climbed down from the outcropping. "It's hard to tell, sir, there's a bunch of them down there fighting something. it looks like... no, I can't say it!" "Spit it out, man!" Dooley gathered his strength, "It looks like Dark Spam!" The Stormtroopers' gasps were evident even through their helmets. "Bah!" Snap sneered. "Sir, there's more," Dooley continued, "One of them looks like Eildath the Dark Jedi. This could be bad." Snap smiled and rubbed his hands together, "Dark Jedi? I like Dark Jedi! Maybe he'd be willing to make a deal..." Suddenly a massive battlemech screamed overhead into the valley and joined the battle. Snap, Dooley and the Stormtroopers dove for cover. Snap looked up. "I'd know that mechanical monstrosity anywhere! Raptor One! I hate that guy! Nobody, but nobody blows me out a building and gets to brag about. Men, move out! We're going in!" "But, sir," Dooley protested, "what about the Dark Spam?!" Snap shoved Dooley aside, "Coward! We have the manly work of vengeance to do! Charge!!" Hork and the Stormtroopers locked and loaded their blaster rifles and leapt over the ridge into the fray. Dooley watched them go. He considered his options and snuck away. He had something else to do. Something important... ------- FADE IN: INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON HAN SOLO sits at the controls of the MILLENNIUM FALCON furiously flying ship. He looks up and smiles. HAN: "Sure, I can make the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs, but after sitting down for ten parsecs, my hemorrhoids really start to act up." Han holds up a yellow tube. HAN: "That's why I use Preparation THX. Not only does it reduce swelling, it also-" *CLICK* CHEWBACCA stands before a picture of that Urkel guy marked "BEFORE" VOICE-OVER: "Take it from wonky Chewbacca, the Hair Club For Wookiees could be for you. Because not only is he a member, he's also the president." *CLICK* Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9NVS239308WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:33:35 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 9DABCA30 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:32:26 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5656399 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:25:32 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA08079 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:25:28 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA120140753; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:32:33 -0400 Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 12:32:32 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluff it all... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Tenandys Qural stood on the bridge of the Nabiki, looking over the data on the screen before him. He was beginning to lose track of everything that was going on. He perused the scorecard closely, trying to find a good slot to shelve himself in, but most of the places were packed with product endorsements. And the remaining slots were just confusing. And for the moment, he couldn't find a coherent plot to follow anyway. He wasn't sure if they were fighting Dark Spam, Dark Zima, Continuity, Infomercials, or five guys in black named Gil. He shook his head, knowing about the only thing he could do right now was... ... cut to another commercial. INT. OB-1's HUT. TATOOINE. OB-1 holds up a lightsaber. OB-1: "It is an elegant weapon, from a more civilized time..." He hands it to luke, who switches it on, looking in amazement at the blade of glowing energy. OB-1: "It is neither as clumsy nor random as a blaster, and it slices and dices and can even make julienne fries." Scene cuts to demonstration of lightsaber doing all of those things. OB-1: "And being a blade of coruscating energy, you never have to sharpen it, even after such duty as this:" Scene cuts to cleaving through scores of stormtroopers, their lifeless bodies falling to the floor in tangled, bloody heaps. OB-1: "Now if you were to purchase a lightsaber in a store, you'd find that it's rare, difficult to find on most planets. But through this revolutionary HoloNet offer, we're going to let you have it for a low, low introductory price." Scene comes back to Luke, who's pulling out his VaporFarm Visa. OB-1: "But wait, there's more. As a part of this introductory offer, we're also offering Jedi Mastery, at no extra charge!" Scene cuts to a lightsaber wielding, cloaked figure tossing people out of the way with Telekinesis. OB-1: "With Jedi Mastery, you no longer have to worry about people pushing you around, and with your new Ginsu Lightsaber -" Screen flashes the following message along the bottom of the screen: "Lightsaber is classified on most Imperial planets as a Universal Cutting Tool, to avoid certain legal difficulties." OB-1: "-you don't ever have to worry about being pushed around again!" Luke pulls out his checkbook. Luke: "Where can I order one?" OB-1: "Just wait, there's more! As a part of this special HoloNet offer, we're also going to give you - free of charge - the related story factor of an eventual descent to the Dark Side..." *Click* That was it. Tenandys picked up his comlink and started dialling. He'd be damned if he was going to be left out of another snazzy product endorsement. He wondered as he dialed, if it was possible to snag one of the Mentos ads. That would *definitely* help his career. And, as he did, he recalled that he was trying to get into the plot of this story as well. He shrugged, waiting for the other end to pick up. Maybe next time... Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9NYPJHDKM068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:56:59 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 303A8DE0 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:55:17 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5658222 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:48:24 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id NAA12272 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:48:19 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA045425727; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:55:28 -0400 Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 13:55:27 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluff Imperative... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Meanwhile, in a pertinent part of the plot, Luminare Veldtajin was just stepping out of the shower. A black towel was wrapped around his waist, with its twin draped over his shoulder. He looked at the steamed up mirror for a moment, the blurred image of Kyan's greatest warrior appearing as little more than a mass of silver and blue fur. He sighed, stepping over to where the industrial hair dryer was located in his room. Without it, he thought, this fur would *never* dry. Known as Skitz Darkfall to most, he was one of the few beings in the galaxy that could actually adhere to the plot of a specific scenario, even in the face of massive marketing ploys. At least, that's what he had thought in the past. There came a knock at the door. Sighing, Skitz leaned back on the bed. "Come in. The door's open." At his invitation, a young, red-furred Squib in a black business suit stepped into the room, sliding a pair of very nice sunglasses into the breast pocket of his sport coat. "Who the hell are you?" The Squib bowed. "My name is Grisham Yalstin, and I'm a marketing rep for Righteous Shades (tm)." "How did you get on my ship?" THe Squib waved away his question. "That's not important, Mr. Darkfall. What is important is that I am here on behalf of a number of stockholders and interested parties. We want to make you an offer." Skitz raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And what is that?" "Well, we happen to know that you use our sunglasses as part of your personal idiom. And we would like to offer you an obscene amount of money for appearing in one of our ad lines." "Define obscene. Are we talking just mildly filthy? Or is this going into the really vulgar and incdecent ranges?" The Squib smiled, tossing him a datacard. "We're talking about something *truly* offensive." Skitz looked over the screen for a moment, trying to count the number of zeroes in the figure. "I'm to assume this is before taxes?" "Not actually. That's an approximate net, figured on what the taxes will likely be next week." "Oh." Fade out: Fade in: INT. OUTER RIM HOUSEHOLD, MORNING. Young Rodian child is picking at the remains of a wholesome and nutricious breakfast. Inane music is playing in the background. Voice-over: "Just another boring day, with the same old boring breakfast food?" Rodian child looks up and nods woefully. Voice-over: "It sounds to me like it's time for something new!" Rodian child perks up interestedly. Voice-over: "Try new and improved Kyanin Krunch! Now with more protien and sugar!" Rodian child tosses the plate of food out the window, pegging a hapless jawa walking past. Chorus: "Kyanin Krunch, it's so yummy! Just thing for your tummy! Munchy, crunchy, fun to eat - tastes like bloody, steaming meat!" Voice-over: "Kyanin Krunch! It brings out the carnmivore in you!" Rodian child dances on table, shooting things with an E-Web toy. Picture fades, coming up on an outdoor scene with plastic toys. Voice-over: "And now, for a limited time only, you can send away for your very own Axin figure! Three proofs of purchase and $14.95 shipping and handling, and you can have an action figure of Axin, the wacky Jedi Knight, as seen in the popular HoloNet series. LImited time only, not sold in any stores." FADE. Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9O34JDUGS04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 16:03:32 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 153BFB20 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 16:03:22 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5661331 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 15:56:26 -0400 Received: from emout20.mail.aol.com (emout20.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.46]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id PAA18901 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 15:56:25 -0400 Received: by emout20.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id QAA22494 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 16:03:52 -0400 Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 16:03:52 -0400 From: Jedi Iles Subject: Re: Zima Wars (the Fluff strikes back...) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: JediIles@AOL.COM Message-id: <960919160351_312608369@emout20.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT In a message dated 96-09-18 18:53:31 EDT, you write: >"Whew!" panted Minos, exhausted. "Y'know, this would be the perfect time >for Iles and Qural to show up, them being the other heroes of this thing and >all." "Dah, pesky Imperials! Always getting their Star Destroyers in the way...They're just lucky that collision only scratch the paint...the insurance company hates to pay for damages when you run into Star Destroyers...and of course, now I've been left to catch up with Dev, Minos and Eildath..." Jedi Master Iles thinks to himself as he lands his ship on the planet. He disembarks, and approaches the opening... "Yuck...looks like someones been eating Fried Dark Spam...only one could do that... HOMER J. SIMPSON, DARK LORD OF THE SITH!. Hmmm...there also apears to be the remains of some of those unmentionables Eildath is always conjuring up. Show off. Gosh, I hope they've found the Wookiee ale before HOMER J. SIMPSON, DARK LORD OF THE SITH! finds it...if he drinks it, certain doom would be spelled for the entire galaxy!" (editor's note: Jedi Master Iles *does* realize that HOMER J. SIMPSON, DARK LORD OF THE SITH! will not get to the wookiee ale first, that should be obvious, this is a FLUFF and the heroes always prevail...) "Dev...WHERE ARE YOU DEV???????" Master Iles shouted as he continued his search "Don't make me use the Force to find you, you know I hate doing things the easy way!" <> Steve Jedi Master Iles Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9OGZ4FKGE8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:40:03 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 668F82D0 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:39:21 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5672579 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:32:26 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id WAA13982 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:32:23 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Fri, 20 Sep 1996 02:39:21 +0000 Received: from ppp-1.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.47) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 02:39:20 +0000 Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:32:23 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: FLUFF: The Gathering Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609200232.WAA13982@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 04:03 PM 9/19/96 -0400, you wrote: >In a message dated 96-09-18 18:53:31 EDT, you write: > >Minos grabbed the bottle. However, the anti-force abilities of his armor >caused the beverage to vanish. "Smeg," he said. "There's a disadvantage to >this armor I hadn't thought of." > >Eildath got an evil gleam in his eyes. "Well, why don't you take off the >armor and I'll conjure up another bottle." > >"I'm not that stupid," Minos said. "Besides, I can't trust anyone with an >evil gleam in their eyes." > >"Wha? Oh, damn!" > >Dev looked around. "Where is everyone? This story is beginning to drag..." "Besides," continued Minos, "I've got a fully stocked wet bar in my Pocket Dimension(tm). And pulling up my mask enough to let me take a drink won't brek the suit's circuit." Dev twitched. "Hey guys, I'm picking up something on audio! Here, I'll run it through my external speakers..." >"Dev...WHERE ARE YOU DEV???????" Master Iles shouted as he continued his >search. "Don't make me use the Force to find you, you know I hate doing things >the easy way!" > "Oh no." moaned Eildath. "It's Iles. The last thing I need is a light-sider hanging around." "Well yer gonna have to live with it peppy!" retorted Minos. "Dev, call 'im down here!" "I was gonna do that anyways. And don't snap orders at me, or you'll end up on the wrong end of a concussion missile." with this, Dev activated his com system. "Iles? Yo, Iles! Yeah, it's me, Dev. We're down here in the tunnels. What's that? Directions? OK, hang a left at the fried Dark Spam, a right a what's left of the Dark Zima, and then go northeast bearing .02 mark 5 when you get to the dead cartoonist laying on the groud clutching his chest. It'll probably take you a while to get here. Huh? No, don't worry, we'll wait." Dev finished the conversation and shut of his com system. "Well guys, looks like we're gonna be here for a while. Anyone got a Sabaac deck?" "No," replied Minos, "but I've got something better." Flipping on his Pocket Dimension Opener(tm) he concentrated, and something popped into reality. Something big. "Whoa." was the first thing out of Eildath's mouth. "My personal entertainment center. This stuff is the best on the market. And with it comes my fully comprehensive Holo-Vid library and.." Minos paused for dramatic effect, "a fully stocked wet bar." "Cool." said Eildath, as he perused the Holo-Vids. "Hey! Monty Python and the Quest for the Scrolls of Nadd! I love this flick! Shall we?" "Why not?" replied Dev. "Sure, pop it in." said Minos. And pop it in he did. This would help pass the time until Iles got there, although they were all sure to be completely smashed and rolling around on the floor laughing when he found them... INTERIOR, OFFICE OF A CHEESY LAWYER LAWYER: Have you suffered greivous loss lately? Did stormtroopers murder your relatives and torch their moisture farm? Was your home planet blown up by an Imperial Superweapon? Did the Dark Lord of the Sith cut off your hand? Did a pesky Jedi murder your favorite pet? Were you accidentally hurled into the Sarlacc Pit? Then you may be entiled to a cash settlement. 1.800.LAWYERS can help. The call is free, and if you don't win at least 500 credits, we won't charge you a centicredit in legal fees. 1.800.LAWYERS, we're here to get you what you deserve! FADE TO BLACK Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org Your mailbox has been invaded by THE CRIMSON JIHAD. Have a nice day, this message will self-destruct in 5..4..3..2.. Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9OI38KIEI8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 23:11:35 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id C61D7FA0 ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 23:10:39 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5674348 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 23:03:45 -0400 Received: from worf.netins.net (worf.netins.net [167.142.225.4]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id XAA16497 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 23:03:43 -0400 Received: from mikeh.netins.net (elrg-01-25.dialup.netins.net [199.120.94.90]) by worf.netins.net (8.8.Beta.4/8.8.Beta.4) with ESMTP id WAA10724 for ; Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:11:03 -0500 (CDT) Date: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 22:12:32 -0500 From: Jeremy Higgins Subject: FLUFF: After the dust settles... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Jeremy Higgins Message-id: <199609200311.WAA10724@worf.netins.net> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Microsoft Internet Mail 4.70.1155 Content-type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Priority: 3 Still rebounding from the "Serious Fluff" incident, Srath comes out of Hibernation Trance and looks around. He realized he is not where he used to be. "Where am I?" He asked no one in particular. "You are in the Great Hall of Drycas." No One In Particular answered. Startled, Srath ignited his Lighsaber, "Who are you?" No One In Particular laughs out loud, "I am..." Srath turned white in fear. He looked down. He had nothing to say now except, "Well, I haven't done that in awhile." No One In Particular used no power at all in throwing Srath down a long tunnel and around two corners into a large Entertainment Canter. Srath controlled the dizziness an nausea then looked up. The group of dark knighs looked at Srath who was covered in Tekka Nuts. Minos stood up and walked to Srath, "That was MY wet bar!!!." Srath, the only lightsider in the room, took his time in making the proper reply, "Oh smeg." ************************************************************************ Just thaught I'd remind you all I'm still here. From the Desk of Jeremy Higgins Visit my web: http://www.netins.net/showcase/commnet/ ******************************************************************* Commander Jeremy Higgins / Chief Engineer - USS Matrix Captain Christopher Maxwell / CO - Maquis Ship Kodiak Marc Srath / Jedi Knight and Protector of the New Republic Mulder / Mon Calamari Engineer - Cruiser Defiance ******************************************************************* "If you're going to remain on my ship, you're going to have to learn how to appreciate a joke." - Captain Hikaru Sulu to Ensign Tuvok Star Trek: Voyager "Flashback" Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9P8MUW408068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:51:57 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id F7F68660 ; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:50:50 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5680992 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:43:53 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id LAA16238 for ; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:43:51 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA154514660; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:51:00 -0400 Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:51:00 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: FLUFF - The Politics of Marketing... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Tenandys Qural leaned back in the booth, scanning the crowd of aliens carefully. He was waiting for a contact to appear, but thus far it looked like he'd been ditched. He munched on a handful of Tekka Nuts (not Teckla Nuts, a cheap off-brand) and thought about what was coming. Taking another glance around, he started to slide out of the booth. He'd check back later. "Oota goota, kat?" Just then, a rotund yellow being slid into the booth, a package of canned meat in one hand. Qural shuddered, recognizing it as a Spam Holocron, and the being holding it as one of the new and improbable Sith Lords. Qural squinted at the being, knowing that his worst nightmares had just come true. He was being forced into some corner of the plot. There went the commercial endorsements... "Um, tell Bobo I've got no money..." Carefully, he unsnapped the catches on the weapon he carried on his thigh, easing it free of the holster. A waitress happened by, bringing the fat man's carafer of Soyulent Green and a bar napkin. In the background, Qural could hear someone screaming, "Soyulent Green is Greedo!" "This is your last chance, kat. Become involved in the plot, or I'll be forced to..." Qural pulled the trigger to the one-shot CanonHandCannon and watched as the Homer vanished in a puff of logic and a whispered 'D'oh'. Perhaps that would serve to let people know that he wasn't a kat to be messed with. Or else, it would get their attention and he'd be kibble within a week. One never knew. He looked around the room slowly, waiting for a reaction from somewhere. As he brought his eyes back to the booth, he noted a small and highly battered Squib approaching, his arm in a sling. "Excuse me, Mr. Qural?" "Who the hell are you?" The Squib tried smiling, revealing reconstructive dental work. "Name's Grisham Yaltis. Are you adverse to getting obscene amounts of money?" Qural smiled, gesturing for the Squib to have a seat. "Tell me more..." Tenandys Qural, Lord Khanjheira. "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time' Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9P9MTFA608WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:20:59 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 0FC50CE0 ; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:20:07 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5681747 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:13:11 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA17951 for ; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:13:10 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.249]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id MAA29311 for ; Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:20:30 -0400 (EDT) Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 12:20:38 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: FLUFF Tales of the MechWarrior: Dark Lords of the Spam Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960920162038.0067599c@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Raptor flew his Marauder across the barren landscape of Drycas, searching for an entrance to the underground passages. While he searched, he decided to watch some Holo. Channel 235,346: Talk HV Daala! Today: Sith Lord wannabes who killed the Ewoks that had sex with their legs. Channel 346,234: E(mpire)S(sports)P(rogramming)N(etwork) Professional Wrestling: The Shaven Wookiee vs. Hulk Hogan in his ninety-seventh comeback! Channel 234,234: MST3K Channel All 8 Star Trek movies! Joel the 37th and the 'bots destroy them all! Channel 234,245: Sci-Fi Channel Babylon-463 Channel 134,421: Comedy Centrality Monty Python and the Wookiee Ale: The heroes face the Jedi Knights who say, "Nee!" and must buy a shrubbery from Vader the Shrubber. Channel 213,234: Commercial TV Do you suffer from perfect skin? A flawless complexion? Do you stun the opposite sex kilometers away? Then try new Oil of Palpy skin cream. Absolutely Guaranteed to make you look like you've been dead for thirty years or your money back! Callista: When you've been stuck in a computer for thirty years, you're gonna have one problem... bad breath. So that's why I use Cool Mint Palpatine. Nine out of ten Rancors agree that it knocks the Dark Side out of that odor! Raptor looked down. Finally, a hole... or rather a bar. He walked in just in time to see Tenandys rip off a scene from A New Hope. Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9RF6YBE8E04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:21:28 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 6491B3E0 ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:21:34 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5739985 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:14:29 -0400 Received: from emout05.mail.aol.com (emout05.mail.aol.com [152.163.125.96]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id BAA03217 for ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:14:28 -0400 Received: by emout05.mail.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id BAA22221 for SW-RPG@listserv.aol.com; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:22:04 -0400 Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 01:22:04 -0400 From: Mark Hudson Subject: FLUFF: There can be only one, or maybe two or three... Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Heywood254@AOL.COM Message-id: <960922012202_107688126@emout05.mail.aol.com> Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT Colonel Snap leapt through a gap in the wall of the ruins of the Empress' palace. An elite squad of the Emperor's finest Stormtroopers fanned out around him. They thought they were prepared for the worst. But, really, who am I kidding? They're Stormtroopers. The Dark Spam came. It rained down in a shower of processed meat by-products. Only one Stormtrooper even had a chance to scream. Sometime later, Colonel Snap emerged from the carnage, reloading his blaster rifle. The Spam wasn't dead (you can never completely kill Spam), but the Colonel had given the Spam a beating it wouldn't soon forget. As for Snap, he was fine; judicious application of filters and kill-files had protected him from most physical harm. Snap moved silently among the rubble into the Empress' audience chamber. Skeletal buttresses were all that remained of the once ornate hall. Several figures milled about in the center of the chamber, but as Snap began to sneak towards them, a straggling pre-pubescent boy drew their attention. "Huh, huh. He said 'buttress.'" Snap spun and fired sending the boy running. "Slarg! Those damn punks are worse than Gerundian Lockroaches! Nuke the frizzin' galaxy and they'll still be under foot!" "Who's talkin' about Anderson's next book?" Minos asked as he and the others turned. Snap raised his rifle, "Freeze, worms!" "Who's the chucklehead?" Dev asked. Snap snarled. "I'm your worst nightmare!" Eildath smiled thinly, "I really don't think so." "Enough!" Snapped ordered! "All I wanted is the catman and my beer! Then you fools may be on your way." "Again with the ordering," Dev sighed. "Waitasec, he's got beer?" Suddenly Snap became very, very popular. Eildath gazed lazily at Snap, "Colonel, why don't you put that pop gun away. You won't need it." Snap slung his rifle, "You know, I don't think I need this right now." "Perhaps you should lead us to the beer," Eildath suggested. Snap perked up, "Hey! Who wants beer? Follow me!" Minos smiled, maybe having a Dark Jedi around wasn't so bad after all. Minos pulled out his Beeradar and began scanning as he followed Snap. "That won't work," Snap explained, "I had one of my Ensigns make sure all important supplies, uh, the beer mainly, was sealed in scan proof coolers." The group approached a blue and white plastic storage bin marked 00791. Snap gleefully unlatched the seals releasing a cloud of frozen air. As the mist cleared, everyone became silent with terror. It was worse than anyone could've imaged. It was light beer. ------ INT- The Organa-Solo Kitchen, morning. PRINCESS LEIA wears a tattered orange bathrobe; her hair is a mess of half-combed locks and loose curlers. The JEDI TWINS sit at the table howling like alley cats. HAN SOLO can be glimpsed behind the morning paper oblivious to the chaos. LEIA: "If you're a mom like me you've got plenty of responsibilities: a government to run, Jedi skills to learn and Force sensitive children to feed. I'd don't have time to worry about a breakfast cereal for my family. That's why I trust BLUE HARVEST CRUNCH." Leia holds up a box of the cereal and pours blue flakes into the twin's bowls. The twins go silent as they devour the food. Leia: "Blue Harvest Crunch has a tangy Tekka taste that kids love. I love it because its packed with enough nutritional goodness to get my all my kids through the day." Leia serves Han some Blue Harvest Crunch. Han tastes it and smiles. Han: "Thanks, hon." Leia: "And I do mean ALL MY KIDS." Everyone laughs. FADE TO: the shimmering image of BEN KENOBI holding a tray of overflowing with milk, fruit, waffles, eggs and a bowl of the cereal. BEN: "Blue Harvest Crunch is part of this balanced breakfast." *CLICK* So who wants to end this thing? Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9S25C4SYS04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 12:18:21 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 29304490 ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 12:18:28 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5747519 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 12:11:21 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id MAA21429 for ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 12:11:20 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Sun, 22 Sep 1996 16:18:40 +0000 Received: from ppp-4.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.50) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 16:18:39 +0000 Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 12:11:20 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: FLUFF (The Ruins of Drycas) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609221611.MAA21429@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT At 01:22 AM 9/22/96 -0400, you wrote: WELCOME, TO THE SPECIAL, COMERCIAL FREE NEAR CONCLUSION OF FLUFF: THE RUINS OF DRYCAS >As the mist cleared, everyone became silent with terror. It was worse than >anyone could've imagined. It was light beer. "Duck and cover!" screamed Minos, breaking the decidedly dramatic silence. "That's light beer!" Everyone lept behind various pieces of rubble, quivering with terror. "I'll force lightning it into oblivion!" screamed Eildath. "You forget, the light is more powerful than the dark." stated Srath. "Bugger!" "Not even my Spam-o-matic ray can defeat light beer!" snapped Dev. "We're doomed, all doomed!" bellowed Snap. Just then Iles walked up. "Hey guys, how's it goin'?" said the Jedi Master, between mouthfuls of Tekka Nuts. "Iles, hide!" screamed Minos. "Huh? What? Why're all you guys cowering like a bunch of sissy-marys?" "Because," Eildath said trembling, "That's l-ll-ll-LIGHT BEEEER!" "Yeah so?" said Iles. Suddenly Dev had an idea. "Iles take cover!" screamed the excessively armored warrior. "Suddenly I have an idea!" Iles tossed back another mouthful of Tekka nuts. "Uh, whatever." said Iles as he ambled his way behind a fallen pillar. Dev lept up, pressed a few buttons on his palmtop computer, and fired his personal concussion missile. The missile exploded, vaporizing the light beer, and crumbling what was left of the Drycas throne room. The low-calorie terror was no more. "Whew!" said Minos. "That was close! Now shall we continue on our quest for the Wookie Ale?" "I sense a great disturbance in the force." said Iles, Srath, and Eildath simultaneously. "Well?" queried Dev, "What is it?" "It as if a great power, one buried for millennia, has been uncovered." said the force-wielding triplets, ominusly. Just then, one of Snap's crewmen came running up. "Colonel!" he screeched! "You better come have a look at this!" So, the group came and had a look at it. There, on the floor of what was once the Royal Throne Room of Drycas, was a large, ornately decorated door. "The royal wine cellar!" yelled Eildath as he lept for the handles of the door. He was blown out of the air, as a bolt of force lightning lept from the very door itself. The ghostly image of a strange old man appeared, floating just above the door. He began to speak. "All who wish to pass this door must answer me these questions three, e're the other side ye see." "Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!" yelled Minos. "It's the old man from scene 24!" TO BE CONTINUED (And hopefully finished) ----- Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org Your mailbox has been invaded by THE CRIMSON JIHAD. Have a nice day :) This message will self-destruct in 5..4..3..2.. Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9SH60W6DW8WZTZO@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:28:48 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id 2BB9DE60 ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:28:02 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5755994 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:20:55 -0400 Received: from service1.cc.uky.edu (service1.cc.uky.edu [128.163.18.80]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id TAA11263 for ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:20:53 -0400 Received: from ncc.uky.edu ([128.163.17.200]) by service1.cc.uky.edu (8.7.Beta.13/8.7.Beta.13) with SMTP id TAA21633 for ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:28:22 -0400 (EDT) Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:28:30 -0400 From: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Subject: FLUFF: The Conclusion Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: elclin0@pop.uky.edu To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: "Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie" Message-id: <2.2.32.19960922232830.0067ae34@pop.uky.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Pro Version 2.2 (32) Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT >"The royal wine cellar!" yelled Eildath as he lept for the handles of the door. >He was blown out of the air, as a bolt of force lightning lept from the very >door itself. The ghostly image of a strange old man appeared, floating just >above the door. >He began to speak. "All who wish to pass this door must answer me these >questions three, e're the other side ye see." >"Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!" yelled Minos. "It's the old man >from scene 24!" Eildath stepped up to the man. "All who wish to pass..." "Shut up you sop! You kind make me sick! I'm tired of all these bad Monty Python rip offs. I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... an Emperor! Crushing rebellions, putting down insurrections, with me best girl by my side. We'd sing... sing!... SING! He's the Emperor and he's OK, he sleeps all night and he rules all day. I see my subjects, I have some lunch, I go to the lavat'ry. And those who piss me off, get fried by Force Lightning. He sees his subjects, he has some lunch, he goes to the lavat'ry. And those who piss him off, get fried by Force Lightning. He's the Emperor and he's OK, he sleeps all night and he rules all day. I rule the stars, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers. I put on Vader's clothing, and hang in S-M bars. He rules the stars, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wildflowers. He puts on Vader's clothing, and hangs in..." Everyone else begins to puke, the old man drops dead. "Well," Eildath said. "That worked. C'mon everybody, let's go." The others hang back a bit. "I wasn't serious! Come on!" The group files through the doors, albeit a little farther away from Eildath, and sees the Wookiee Ale. More precisely, they see the Wookiee Ale, and Raptor lying on the floor, stone drunk. Minos, Eildath, Dev, Iles, Srath, and all the rest gather around Raptor and stare at him. Raptor gradually awakens. "Wha? Oh, it's you." They continue to stare. "Oh... while you all were out making a ruckus and performing a contrived plot, I simply came down and found the Ale." "YOU WHAT?" they screamed, "You want some? Oh, yeah, I had it all." *** Several minutes later... *** "OH, SHIT!" Raptor cried as Eildath shot Force Lightning up his ass. He ran across the ruins of Drycas, the gang of angry Jedi, Adventurers, and Product Endorsers chasing after him. He leapt into his 'Mech and ran faster. The others would probably chase him until the day he died. THE END Eric Lee Cline, Star Wars Junkie (elclin0@pop.uky.edu) "A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile." -Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9SIL2ZV0C068QZL@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:09:09 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id C1ABD900 ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:08:01 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5756895 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:00:55 -0400 Received: from aldus.northnet.org (aldus.northnet.org [198.175.11.2]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id UAA13454 for ; Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:00:54 -0400 Received: (qmail-queue invoked by uid 0); Mon, 23 Sep 1996 00:08:16 +0000 Received: from ppp-16.canton.northnet.org (HELO The?Beast) (205.232.94.62) by aldus.northnet.org with SMTP; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 00:08:15 +0000 Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 20:00:54 -0400 From: Chris Koch Subject: Fluff (Epilogue) Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group X-Sender: koch@northnet.org To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: koch@NORTHNET.ORG Message-id: <199609230000.UAA13454@listserv.aol.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Light Version 1.5.2 Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT EPILOGUE After assisting in the beating of the Ale-chugging, mech-piloting, story-destroying smeg-head Raptor, and after saying his good-byes to the rest of the crew, Minos returned to the Royal Wine Cellar. Something just didn't seem right. "Something just doesn't seem right." said Minos, perplexed. He began to count the bottles. 10 MINUTES LATER... "...214, 215, 216! Aha! I knew there was something wrong! That only makes 9 cases, but the legends said there were 10!" concentrating, Minos pulled his heavily modified garage door opener out of his pocket dimension. "If there's a secret door around here somewhere," he thought, "this baby'll open it!" With that, Minos slowly began to sweep the room with the device. When he was facing the entrance to the cellar he heard a click, and a small secret door opened, directly below the main door. "Of course! He shouted. A small secret door, directly below the main door!" Reaching into the secret door, he reached in and pulled out...THE TENTH CASE OF WOOKIE ALE! On top of the ale laid an ancient parchment. Minos began to read it. "I-I-I I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" he screamed. "THE RECEPIE FOR WOOKIE ALE!" Stuffing the Ale and the parchment into his pocket dimension, Minos bolted out the door, and into his ship, the Forsaken II. As Minos lifted off, a single thought continued to echo through his mind. As he entered hyperspace, he light out a manly shout. "THE CRIMSON JIHAD SHALL RISE AGAIN!" ------ Minos Hurloon koch@northnet.org Your mailbox has been invaded by THE CRIMSON JIHAD. Have a nice day :) This message will self-destruct in 5..4..3..2.. Return-path: Received: from listmail.aol.com (listmail.aol.com) by DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU (PMDF V5.0-5 #7763) id <01I9SWSFP9LK04ZSRQ@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU> for JAE@DRYCAS.CLUB.CC.CMU.EDU; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:55:57 -0400 (EDT) Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by listmail.aol.com (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.0a) with SMTP id CE053A00 ; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:56:23 -0400 Received: from LISTSERV.AOL.COM by LISTSERV.AOL.COM (LISTSERV-TCP/IP release 1.8c) with spool id 5766576 for SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:49:14 -0400 Received: from river.it.gvsu.edu (river.it.gvsu.edu [148.61.1.16]) by listserv.aol.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id CAA04911 for ; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:49:13 -0400 Received: from localhost by river.it.gvsu.edu with SMTP (1.39.111.2/16.2) id AA238041797; Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:56:37 -0400 Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:56:37 -0400 From: Tenandys Qural Subject: Fluff - End credits... In-reply-to: <199609230000.UAA13454@listserv.aol.com> Sender: Star Wars Role Playing Game Discussion Group To: SW-RPG@LISTSERV.AOL.COM Reply-to: Tenandys Qural Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT The screen faded as the dramatic music crescendoed and segued smoothly into the end themes. Credits began to scroll upward, fading into the distance. Several minutes pass before the screen goes completely black, music fading away. Voice-over: "Tune in next week as our regular scheduling resumes with an all new episode of the hit sitcom Axin. This week, Axin's got some unscheduled houseguests - an entire squadron of Royal Guardsmen! The laughs never stop!" Axin: "Hey! Who ate all the Tekka Nuts?!?" Sultan (Axin's weacky roommate): "I don't know, but is that the doorbell I hear?" Emperor's voice: "Hey, is this where the party is?" Sultan & Axin: "Uh-oh..." Voice-over: "But now, stay tuned for HoloNet News, with Lilla Coulter! After these messages." FADE IN - EXT. TROPICAL PLANET BEACH HOUSE A young Lorddian woman is sitting at a table with a colorful drink. Femme: "Things in my life were uncertain after I broke up with my boyfriend. I'd been fired from my job, my speeder'd been repo'ed, and I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know where I could turn." She stands up, smiling. Femme: "That was, until I called the Jedi Friends Network." Logo flashes across bottom of screen, along with handy, toll-free HoloNet number and the message, "Call Today!" Femme: "My own personal Jedi keyed in on exactly what I was going through, and he helped me figure out what I had to do to get out of it. It was *so* helpful!" Voice-over: "Tonya is just one of many people that called the Jedi Friends Network and found their lives changed. Let's listen:" "The churches are empty The priest has gone home And we are left standing Together alone..." - October Project, 'Dark Time'